One of The Nation’s Most Infamous Prostitutes Says Her Business Has Dropped Off By 91% Because of The COVID-19

Written by Fannin Fabriano

Saturday, 14 March 2020

image for One of The Nation’s Most Infamous Prostitutes Says Her Business Has Dropped Off By 91% Because of The COVID-19
New Orleans 'working girl' Velvetina Winterwood says business has dropped off by 91%.

NEW ORLEANS - The dreaded Coronavirus scare is having an impact on everything and everyone, as evidenced by one Velvetina Winterwood, 29, of New Orleans.

Velvy, as her friends, relatives, clients, and husband call her, is one of the most creatively-talented prostitutes in the Bourbon Street area.

Local radio DJ Manny The Music Maniac remarked that Velvy, aka the "Pavement Princess", averages $12,000 a week.

Winterwood recently spoke with a reporter with the New Orleans Citizen Review, and said that her business had gone down by 91%.

She admitted that the horizontal hokey pokey world has turned very, very bleak.

Velvy took a sip of her Singapore Sling, and noted that, if the boop-oop-a-doopin business doesn’t pick up soon, she may just pack up her sexy lingerie, her thigh-high boots, and her suitcase full of sex toys, and head south to Mexico.

She smiled, and said that, several years ago, she spent an entire summer down in Cabo San Lucas, and she made $143,000. She was asked why in the world she would leave Cabo if she was doing so well.

She grinned, brushed back her blonde hair, and said, “Well, it’s like this, sugar, me and the agua (water) down there just did not see eye to eye, and 'Montezuma's Revenge' began to mess with my vavavooming, if you catch my drift."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics



Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Subscribe…
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more