Condoms To Be Next Item On Panic-Buying Shopping Lists

Written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 13 March 2020

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After the farcical scramble to buy toilet rolls in Australia, Britain and other arse-wipe nations last week, an expert consumer analyst has now said that even stranger products are in the panic-buy pipeline.

One of these is mittens, in preparation for a cold winter, but condoms are also expected to fly off the shelves, as tens of thousands of people attempt to avoid passing on their idiot genes to another generation.

As factories and other workplaces close down in an attempt to delay the spread of the Coronavirus, stocks of goods are bound to run short, and when supply chains are not available to replenish those stocks, trouble will flare. Looting is expected, as well as general carnage.

Moys Kenwood, 56, a leading expert in idiocy, said:

"People worry about things, and start to panic. But the buying of huge supplies of condoms is, at least, understandable, if we are to avoid reproducing more of these braindead, halfwit fucktards in the future."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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