Shock as Sir Elton John turns to Country Music

Funny story written by Paxton Quigley

Monday, 13 August 2018

image for Shock as Sir Elton John turns to Country Music
Sir Elton's new album "Hello Cowboy"

Sir Elton John may have said "let one of your fucking country singers do it" on hearing the rumour that he was to perform at President-elect Donald Trump's inauguration, but deep down, it seems he is a fan of the mawkishly boring and notoriously homophobic redneck music genre. He is now planning his own country "music" album.

In a Spoof exclusive interview, the respected "national treasure", ivory tinkler, and musical knight spilled the beans to our Entertainment Editor, Paxton Quigley.

"It was late one night when the kids were tucked up in bed. David and I were snuggled up together on the sofa, clad in our S&M gear and sipping Bailey's Irish cream, when I had an epiphany. Rather than watch Watford on Sky Sports, we logged-onto Netflix, and plumped for Brokeback Mountain. Well, who wants to watch the Hornets get thrashed by Newcastle United apart from Mike Ashley and some deluded Geordies?

"We were really impressed by the sensitivity and beauty of the film, particularly Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger in chaps. I decided then and there that I wanted to do an album of country standards and classics, mainly to upset the redneck buffoons. It gives me a chance to dress up in rhinestones, cowboy boots and maybe some cheeky leather chaps too. It's a look I've neglected over the years, in public at least.

"I've selected the songs very carefully, and I will be putting my own particular interpretation on them. I'm not sure if Merle Haggard's ‘Okie from Muskogee’ is innuendo or not, but I'll put it in, as they say."

Sir Elton graciously gave The Spoof a preview of the songs to be covered on his "Hello Cowboy" album:

Juice Newton's ‘Queen of Hearts’
Garth Brooks' ‘Friends in Low Places’
‘Behind Closed Doors’ by Charlie Rich
D.L. Menard's ‘The Back Door
Carrie Underwood's ‘Before He Cheats’
George Jones and Tammy Wynette's ‘Golden Ring’
‘Stand By Your Man’ by Tammy Wynette

Last, but not least, is the 1935 classic from Patsy Montana, ‘I Want to Be a Cowboy’s Sweetheart’.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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