New book outs Jackie O as George Bush Sr's secret ho

Funny story written by queen mudder

Monday, 10 November 2014

image for New book outs Jackie O as George Bush Sr's secret ho
Poppy's been real good to me

New York - A sophisticated bipartisan cover-up about Jackie Bouvier Kennedy's cold war love life is laid bare in a new biography dishing the dirt on stuff many Americans thiught long dead and buried.

And it names Madonna as Jackie's 1958 'stillborn' daughter Arabella Kennedy, fathered by George Bush Senior following a sordid two-year fling.

'Lies, Damned Lies & the Wacky Jackie Bouvier Genome'** by Russell Bushwacka (no relation) details how JFK's wife was schmoozed and bedded by fledgling oilman George Herbert Bush, CEO of Texas-based Zapata Petroleum and subsequent 41st President of the United States.

Apparently Kennedy paterfamilias Joseph K soon found out and gave his daughter-in-law a ditch-the-brat ultimatum with a 'stillborn' cover story to hide the smoke 'n' mirrors adoption.

It took a million dollars of Bush hush-money to bury the whole lurid affair which Jackie pocketed in a hush-hush paternity suit brokered by Joseph Kennedy.

Fourteen years later Jackie's second husband Aristotle Onassis discovered the secret and taunted her through the media as a Skull & Bones whore.

'Billion Dollar Bush' captions of a near naked Jackie were plastered on the front pages of the tabloid press in a take-no-prisoners campaign run by the maddened, cuckolded Greek.

The author also devotes a whole chapter to Jackie's other fling with Russian dancer Rudolf Nureyev who fathered her son John F Kennedy Jr, a brat passed off as President Kennedy's very own son.

Another chapter describes how continuing cut-throat oil politics saw the Kennedy and Bush clans erupt into a murderous massacre resulting in President Kennedy's brother Robert, United States Attorney General, being gunned down by Bush mobsters in 1965.

Commenting on some of the press reviews published last weekend the author said today that Madonna 'had done very well' from the arrangement which saw her inherit 'substantial sums' from her birth mother's legacy.

"She's a class act alright," Buskwacka chuckled, "a pity she inherited both her birth parents' entertainment abilities."

Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg is 69.

**Radon Press, $25

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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