Written by E. Williams

Tuesday, 2 September 2014


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image for Conservatives Join Hunt for iCloud Hacker After Nude Pics of Nancy Pelosi, Others Surface
This pixelated photo is the only safe method for viewing her naked pics.

Los Angeles, CA - The now infamous and anonymous iCloud hacker, responsible for releasing nude and semi-nude photos of celebrities, now has a new enemy to add to his list - Conservatives. The initial release of risqué pics featuring attractive celebrities was surprising, but now the hacker has crossed the line. Seeing Jennifer Lawrence naked is one thing - this is quite another.

Earlier today, new pictures were released by Mr. Hacker and it is now obvious the flood of photos was meant to inflict real psychological pain on a large segment of the population. The latest round of nude pics feature well-known women such as Nancy Pelosi, Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, Hillary Clinton, Rachel Maddow, and even Piers Morgan.

The new pictures are causing some serious damage to the psyche of millions of conservatives across the country and many are outraged there were not medical disclaimers displayed on the news sites that showed the pictures for public viewing, warning them of possible severe physical and mental distress.

Already, there are reports of thousands of men turning gay after viewing revealing photos of Sheila Jackson Lee, congresswoman(?) from Houston. In addition, sales of Emetrol, Pepto-Bismol, and eye bleach have been soaring. There have even been fifteen reports nationwide of men leaping from tall buildings after seeing nude pictures of former head of the DHS, Janet Napolitano.

The unidentified hacker apparently has a hatred for conservatives since all of the women in the newest batch of released photos are Democrats and appears to be part of a coordinated effort to mentally harm those on the right who view the material.

Andy Taylor, of Santa Monica, put it this way: "This guy is one sick bastard. I served in Vietnam and I've seen my share of shit, but nothing on God's green earth prepares you for something like this. These websites that publish stuff like this should have more warnings. You know, 'Are you REALLY sure you want to view this crap??!!', like, six or seven times before you get to the pictures. I recommend if you plan on checking these pics out that you have your affairs in order first."

Andy was speaking from a hospital waiting room after taking out one of his eyes with a shrimp fork. The reason? A picture of a naked and randy looking Rosie O'Donnell. He went on to say that when they catch the hacker, he should be given over to ISIS, with his body covered with the photos of Pelosi, etc. and suffer the consequences. Whatever they do to him would be prettier than what Mr. Taylor and millions of other conservatives have now seen.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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