A Medical Journal has published sensational clinical trial results proving that continuous wanking is not a cause of blindness. The results, published in "Better Lancit" contradicted what was commonly believed to be the truth.
In the controlled experiment, members of the Royal Family were used as they were not doing anything useful. They were also known to have large numbers of hereditary wankers within their ranks. The exact details of the tests were not published but it is thought that the volunteers had to perform continuously for six weeks behind bushes in a park in the Spanish resort of Tossa de Mar in Spain.
Prince Edward, a particularly suitable subject, sportingly took part in the trials at Tossa, along with Princes, Andrew and Charles. Among the myths dispelled were a cause of blindness, pathological withering of genitals, teeth falling out, deafness, spots, moral corruption, and an increase in the size of ears and noses.
None of the volunteers showed detrimental signs in any of the aforementioned categories but Prince Charles was said by doctors to have become agitated about not being allowed to use Royal staff to relieve him when he was exhausted.