Nude celebs' fans "on Cloud 9"

Written by Gee Pee

Wednesday, 3 September 2014


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ALMOST HEAVEN -- Has-been celebrities, in an effort to generate publicity and reignite their flagging careers, claim to be "outraged" over nude photo spreads of themselves--and, in one case, at least--a sex tape that were allegedly stolen from a "hacked" cloud storage site and "leaked" to multimedia outlets, including Internet web sites.

The "D"-list celebs whose images were shared include Jennifer Lawrence, a cute blonde number who measures 34-24-36; Kate Upton, a blonde bombshell whose vital statistics are 38-27-36; and Kirsten Dunst, a fiery redheaded vixen, who fills out at 35-25-34.

Jackson, in particular, is said to be "miffed." She wonders what happened to her expectation of privacy.

"Why can't a woman who is famous for her figure post nude pictures of herself on the Internet without the whole world ogling her boobs and butt?" a friend of the actress asked.

Other "outraged" celebrities whose nude images have become the objects of voyeuristic interest include Aubrey Plaza, Jessica Brown Findlay, and Tenna Torres, who are not exactly household names--or, at least, not yet.

Some critics contend that the "hacking" and "theft" of the celebs' nude pictures may have been calculated, possibly by their agents, to draw much-needed attention to the "D"-listers.

"You don't have to be all that well known," Ima A. Gent observed, "to become well known, not if you're willing to take your clothes off for a camera."

Having a sex tape go viral is an even better gambit, Gent suggests, and may explain the authenticated "sex tape" of Findlay, which is "sure to get some attention."

The celebrities themselves see the theft of their photographs as "outrageous," and several of them predict that, despite the cloud-storage site's promise to "clean up our act," several additional similar mishaps are likely to occur "in the very near future."

Meanwhile, the nude celebrities' seven fans all agree, "We're on Cloud 9!"

"They haven't seen anything yet," Gent predicts, recommending that they "stay tuned for coming attractions."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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