Does Money Turn the Left Right?

Funny story written by Ana Sian

Wednesday, 8 June 2022

image for Does Money Turn the Left Right?
Show Me Da Money, I'll Show You My Politics

Elon Musk is the richest man in the world. He once voted left-wing, now he’s seriously thinking about voting to the right.

When one is poor and has nothing and can’t get ahead in the world, you want your nation to help you out.

When one has money, you may begin to think that poor people aren’t people any more, they’re lazy scumbags who want a free ride and won’t get out of bed to catch the early worm.

(I once read a Zen koan that said: just because you rise early does not mean the sun will rise with you.)

I asked a brain scientist (if my country had free education, I could take a class and know what the word is for ‘brain scientist”) if money made people more evil?

“Yes, of course it does. It’s based on evolution. When you are a weak member of the herd, you need the help of the entire herd. When you are strong, you assume you don’t need the herd anymore.”

“But is it right?”

“There is no right or wrong in evolution. The weak shall always insist that they be taken care of by someone, and the strong will always try to do things for themselves. Putting the young or old out to pasture to have the elements or predators finish their worthless lives ... that’s evolution AND humanity. I suggest you get some money and become strong. Otherwise, you could turn into a serial killer, or a poor Republican, otherwise known as a “white trash Republican”. Those people are poor and weak but they think they’re strong. Remember when Donald Trump was on the campaign trail before he became prez?”

Yes, I did recall that. I saw news footage of scary hillbilly in his 20s saying to the camera, “This here Mr. Trump is a billionaire businessman ... so if’n I vote for him, maybe I’ll become rich too!”

I thought to myself: rich men don’t write checks to poor men ... they write checks (or cheques) to other rich men, who then write checks back, making each other even richer.

The poor get nothing but fucked.

Stupidity is also an evolutionary trait. Are human beings better than Evolution? The left try to be, but the right say, “Fuck it ... if that wolf wants grandma or the new baby, take it. That baby needs to learn to shoot an AR-15, and grandma needs to pull up her garters and get to work! It’s their own fault if they get killed.”

America, the beautiful (... and your country too, let’s be honest, your rich are fucking over your poor. OH, but you can’t say that or they’ll call you a commie, which is just an easy way for the rich to demonize the poor without needing to explain further, or to justify their tax breaks, offshore bank accounts, and purely evil business and financial practices.)

Dear Elon Musk, hop on a rocket for Mars and pray to your money that you’ll be able to make it back home. Your ungrateful employees will be watching.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more