PHILADELPHIA – (Satire News) – The Rubberized Rubber Company of Philadelphia has informed the public that it will discontinue their line of pizza-flavored condoms.
Lana D. Tinhaus, a spokeswoman for RRC stated that they decided on the move after receiving tens of thousands of complaints, mostly from adult women between the ages of 24 and 54.
Miss Tinhaus, who was once married to Mitch McConnell’s step nephew Willard Looneybiz, stated that the complaints centered on the fact that 91% of the women of condom-wearing husbands and/or boyfriends noted that they gained weight.
One complainer stated that after three blow-job sessions she got on the scale and noticed that she had gained 4.5 pounds.
SIDENOTE: Miss Tinhaus said that anyone who still has some of the pizza-flavored condoms can return them for a full refund, as long as they are still sealed.