PYONGYANG, North Korea – (World Satire) – North Korea’s Rice Paddy News Agency reports that the Korean leader, Kim Jong-un hasn’t been as happy as he is now, since he first discovered his pecker (penis) at the age of 3.
Kim Jong-un, who is almost unrecognizable after having lost 27 pounds on The Diet Rice Diet, says that if he wanted to he could easily boink a dozen or so different gorgeously sexy women on a daily basis.
When asked what is keeping him from it, he pointed to his wife and replied, “Dat bees her, she bees da reason.”
The Kimster is also thrilled to say that he has just managed to corner the Asian womens shoe market, which is bringing in millions of dollars a month.
Kimmy, as his BFF Dennis Rodman calls him divulged that he decided to go into a world-wide, low-profile mode after he started launching all of those wayward rockets, some of which came pretty damn close to hitting Japan.
Kim giggled as he said that the USA, Russia, China, and especially Japan all got their effen panties in a wad.
He then laughed as he revealed that the friggin' rockets weren't even armed with weaponry and were all merely just for show.
Kim then added that the rockets that are armed with nuclear weapons are safely hidden underground, about 17 miles south of the town of Fried Rice, North Korea, on Inter-Korean Highway 69.