UK's banking sector set to expand

Funny story written by Sir Geoffroy Cockface

Saturday, 13 March 2021

image for UK's banking sector set to expand
Many food banks now use chip and pin - customers receive a chip after giving their PIN

The government have boasted that the UK's banking sector is set to grow by 5% in 2021. This is despite recent setbacks such as most European trading returning to the EU after Brexit.

"The future of banking in the UK is secure," said treasury spokesman Geoff Turdsworth. "But not for cash banking - those days are over. No, the future lies in food banking, of which the UK is a world leader."

The number of food banks in the UK has increased a hundred-fold in the last decade, thanks to the policies of the Conservative government. Turdsworth believes that, once the food banks turn profitable, they will become a popular investment.

"Many investors in London have already gambled millions on food bank futures. If the food banks succeed, many of them are likely to lose money, but that's OK, because they'll just lose it to other city gamblers." Turdsworth himself is a long-term gambler/investor and made his fortune by betting his family inheritance on the financial crisis in 2008.

He said, "The only thing that matters is that wealthy investors are still interested in the UK as long as they can continue to make money from it."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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