An Englishman whose mind is in absolute turmoil with regard to how he is going to ensure the well-being of his young family after his own death, is going to rob a bank.
The extremely ambitious plan was hatched today by Ken Moyswood (not real name), 57, as he sat outside his school on a concrete bench that was doing no good at all for his haemorrhoids.
Moyswood has just returned to work after a six-month Lockdown lay-off, and received no pay whatsoever during this time, having to survive on his meager savings instead. These have now been depleted to such an extent that he has recently been coming up with various hare-brained schemes to realize cash in vast quantities.
His first notion was to become a drug dealer, and then a burglar, but these, he imagined, would be fraught with difficulties with the police, and he then considered trying out as a rent boy. Not for very long though.
Finally, he hit upon the idea of robbing a bank, despite the possible risks of falling foul of the local constabulary. He is currently at the planning stage, travelling around, doing reconnaissance and making notes on various potential targets.
"One big job, and I can call it a day."
Police are not investigating. Yet.