JOPLIN, Missouri – (Satire News) – Police in Joplin, Missouri have taken Wally B. Haymarket into custody after receiving dozens of complaints from local residents.
It appears that Wally, who stands 6-foot-10-inches tall, but weighs only 142 pounds, was posing as an insurance agent at a local Walmart, and selling fake tsunami insurance to shoppers.
Haymarket, who was dressed as a Long Island pimp, gave the clients a fantastic deal which many of the shoppers said was just too damn good to pass up.
The fake insurance agent was selling $700,000 worth of tsunami insurance policies for just $2 a month.
He managed to sell at least 80 of the policies, which called for a down payment of $75.
A Walmart security guard went up to Haymarket and said that the chances of a tsunami hitting landlocked Missouri were about as likely as a Galapagos turtle winning a race against a Greyhound dog.
One little petite 91-year-old Swedish lady, who had purchased one of the policies, furiously went up to Haymarket, and kicked him right in his scrotum.
Wally refunded her $75, as he was being led away in handcuffs to the waiting squad car outside the store.