JOPLIN, Missouri – (Satire News) – Police in Joplin, Missouri have taken Wally B. Haymarket into custody after receiving dozens of complaints from local residents. It appears that Wally, who stands 6-foot-10-inches tall, but weighs only 142 pounds…
A man who always does 'everything by the book', and leaves nothing to chance, has said he was extremely disappointed this afternoon, when he learned that his worldwide health insurance policy did not, in fact, cover him for the Coronavirus. Moys K...
Unaffordable We Don't Care Insurance Just tried to sign up for the Affordable Care Act insurance before the deadline. Guess I should, after I severely broke my ankle last year and the hospital wanted $54,000 out of me for less than 20 hours in th...
Late last night, the Food and Drug Administration issued a public health advisory, warning that nearly 25 percent of Americans are pathologically fit and trim - victims of the newly-coined disorder known as "hyper-healthism." "We're at a turning p...
Bloomington, IL - The actor who plays "Jake, from State Farm", we'll call him Jake, from State Farm, in the famous insurance firm's commercial, is suing the company for stereotyping him as "hideous" and ruining his love life. The actor seeks $5 m...
Lloyd's of London has insured Holly Madison's boobs for $1 million; there's no word as to whether she'd be paid $500,000 if something happened to just one of them. Her breasts' starring role in Peepshow prompted her to take out the policy. "People sure weren't watching me because I'm a great actress," she admits, "and I realized that, without my best assets--make that my only assets--I could becom...
Walmart issued a rare apology today for the tasteless advertisement that claimed its workers were so needy that they could use donations from its customers in the United States. The Bentonville, Arkansas based company which advertises better li...
TOLEDO, Ohio - Angelina Jolie and her half dozen children were in Toledo visiting The Tricycle Museum. Jolie said that her kids had been wanting to visit the famous museum since they heard David Letterman talking about it with country music artist...
"I just found out that it's true", stated Harry Valletti of New Jersey. 'I thought it was another GOP political ploy but People in my slot, $50-$150 per year as a foreman who works 6-7 days a week, I could be out over half my wages with all the new r...
MISSOULA, Montana - A ranch fence mender from Missoula, Montana has to be the luckiest man in the entire world. Guggenheim "Sparky" St. Parrot, has the distinction of having been struck by lightning a total of eight times. St. Parrot works mend...
HOLLYWOOD - Several entertainment publications have noted that the most popular pair of Tinsel Town breasts belong to the star of Modern Family, Sofia Vergara. The Colombian bombshell just turned 41, in July and she has already been named the Most...
Following the huge success of the personal injury lawyers advert where former average tennis player and T.V host Andrew Castle patronisingly claims that "sometimes sorry makes everything okay," one of the UK's leading personal injury lawyers has devi...
Underwriters in Lloyds of London are having their shirts extracted after a slew of succesful claims against 'apology' insurance policies. For years public figures have taken out insurance against the ignominy of having to apologise in public, with...
The British Travel Insurance Industry has announced that it will no longer provide cover for British tourists staying in hotels with more than one floor. This is due to the number of people trying but failing to succeed in the new sport of diving...
Dennis Lakass was disappointed to receive only £5.99 in compensation after his recent accident. This claim for compensation started when he got a text saying "you may be entitled to £1500 for the accident you had." Mr. Lakass sent details of...
Insurance firm Aviva has announced that chief executive Andrew Moss will be leaving with immediate effect. Observers say the shock announcement follows the embarrassment of losing a shareholder vote on executive pay at the annual meeting last week...
Yesterday, a shamefaced President Obama confided to his Cabinet members that he accidentally left a crucial line out of the recently enacted Affordable Care Act. Specifically, Obama mistakenly omitted a clause known as the "Ph.D. Provision," whic...
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