Three Women at a Walmart Involved in a Brawl Over Charmin Toilet Paper

Written by Abel Rodriguez

Tuesday, 17 March 2020

image for Three Women at a Walmart Involved in a Brawl Over Charmin Toilet Paper
This is the Walmart in Saginaw where the three-woman Charmin toilet paper brawl took place.

SAGINAW, Michigan – Police were called to a local Walmart, after reports that three quite hefty women started fighting over a package of Charmin Toilet Paper.

Store manager, Conzuelo Buckingbaum, 42, said that she was walking by the toilet paper aisle, on her way to the restroom, when she saw one woman pick up the last package of Charmin toilet paper.

As she put the package in her shopping cart, another female customer reached in and took it out.

Buckingbaum told her to return the toilet paper, but the lady ignored her. Just then, another lady who was wearing a cotton romper that looked to be three sizes too small, lunged at the lady holding the toilet paper.

Buckingbaum said that, at that point, all hell broke loose. One of the women grabbed another one in a headlock, while the third shopper hit her over the head with a three-pound brisket.

The woman screamed like a crazed banshee, and proceeded to bite the shopper who had her in a headlock, on her left knocker, which had, by now, flopped out of her MAGA halter top.

A security guard, who was standing nearby, could be heard whispering, “No, sir, there ain’t no way I'm getting my ass in the middle of this hefty female free-for-all."

Finally, three firefighters arrived and proceeded to hose all three of the fighting customers down with their fire hose. The three women were all arrested, and the toilet paper was taken to the manager’s office as evidence.

Just another fun day at Wally World!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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