Warren Puffit: "Dow at All-Time High by Election Day"

Written by Ralph E. Shaffer

Wednesday, 17 June 2020

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In a rare interview, financier Warren Puffit told Spoof On Business: "We may be in a recession, and the stock market may have fallen nearly forty percent, but it is a certainty that the Dow Industrials will hit an all-time high before election day in November, a happening arranged by Trump to guarantee the re-election of Trump."

Puffit, the other Omaha stock wizard and one whose last name happens to reflect his affinity for recreational pot, explained that his projection for a record high is based on the rapid recovery from the virus-inspired recession that took the Dow down well over thirty-five percent in just a few days in February. At the time of the interview, the Dow had recovered from a low of 18,000, standing at 27,500 on June 8, only 2,000 points below its February peak.

"Another stimulus package, costing taxpayers as much as an additional $3 trillion, will spur the market onward as election day approaches," Puffit said. "The danger for Trump is that the peak will be reached too soon, perhaps by Independence Day. The current 400- and 500-point daily gains will make a 50-point swing in July and August look threatening. Market manipulators have got to slow down the rise, so that it continues unbroken through summer and early fall."

"You think the recovery is market manipulation?" Puffit was asked

"Of course. The first stimulus package cost taxpayers $3 trillion, but the Fed added another $4 trillion to that in the form of loans and other goodies for the big guys. The market would still be falling except for that."

Is there anything wrong with this recovery? "Yes," Puffit opined. "It's all smoke and mirrors. Market fundamentals are basically weak. There would have been a recession without the virus, but the virus initiated it and got the blame. The real culprits are stock speculation, those stimulants and that pro-business tax cut Trump and his Republican congress passed in 2017."

So, what are you doing in the market right now? Selling? "No, I'm buying. I may not like what Trump is doing, but I know a winner when i see one. But I'll sell just before election day. The bull will lose its horns after that."

Shawn Insanity, the S.O.B. reporter, for Spoof On Business

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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