Good News for the Incontinent
Newly-elected San Francisco District Attorney, Chesa Boudin, son of 60s radicals jailed for bank robbery and murder, has declared certain “life-style" crimes off-limits for prosecution. Henceforth, in San Francisco, it will be perfectly legal to urin...
Read full storyRaheem Sterling To Miss England Game As He Starts Nursery On Thursday
Manchester City and England striker, Raheem Sterling, is to miss his country's important Euro 2020 qualifier against Montenegro on Thursday, because he starts nursery that day. Sterling, 24, has made 55 appearances in a Three Lions shirt, scoring...
Read full storyPacifist Waiter Offended when Customer Thanks Him for His Service
Nineteen-year-old Kyle Lockwood, a criminal justice major and peace activist working as a waiter at a sports bar in New York City's Times Square, took great offense when, on Veteran's Day, as he set down a plate of onion rings on the table, an overwe...
Read full storyIntroducing the World's First Horoscope for Cats
Unlike other astrologers, who rely on the mundane, the analog, and the antiquated to arrive at their “predictions,” Catmando boldly goes where no members of the cosmological fraternity dare to venture, predicting the future almost before it happens a...
Read full storyLeRoy Ephers Abandons Van after Beer Runs Out, Runs for Alabama Senate Seat
Despite evidence to the contrary by several right-wing news outlets, at least one local reporter has recently confirmed that LeRoy Ephers is in fact running for the 2020 open senate seat in Alabama. In a lucky and timely moment, local high school...
Read full storyMan Dies After Walking Under Ladder
A New York man who was described by those who knew him as "extremely superstitious", is dead tonight, after he inadvertently walked under a ladder. Frank Ouija, 87, died in hospital on Saturday after a long and painful battle with illness, but tol...
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