Pacifist Waiter Offended when Customer Thanks Him for His Service

Funny story written by Chrissy Benson

Tuesday, 12 November 2019

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Kyle Lockwood of NYC learned firsthand the dangers of stereotyping based on appearance.

Nineteen-year-old Kyle Lockwood, a criminal justice major and peace activist working as a waiter at a sports bar in New York City's Times Square, took great offense when, on Veteran's Day, as he set down a plate of onion rings on the table, an overweight, middle-aged tourist from South Carolina proceeded to thank him for his service.

"I went a little ballistic for a minute there," said Lockwood. "I told him look, douchebag, just because I'm an African American doesn't mean I don't have bigger dreams than becoming part of the colonial American empire and being indoctrinated into the violent militaristic culture that is the United States. You don't think I can find a better way to be all that I can be? Screw theĀ military!"

According to Lockwood, the customer, who happened to be wearing a NASCAR T-shirt and jean shorts, looked confused for a moment, and then laughed. "Right on, bro," he said. "But I meant thanks for bringing the food."

At that point, Lockwood realized, he was the douchebag "I think it was the southern accent that threw me off," he said. "I jumped to a conclusion based on a stereotype. Talk about small-minded."

And he acknowledged as much to the customer, Trip Beaumont, who graciously accepted Lockwood's heartfelt apology for pigeon-holing him based on his appearance.

"No problem, man, can happen to the best of us," said Beaumont. "And you know, with just a little awareness, I truly believe that people like you and me can come together to make America great again. Trump 2020!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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