Trump: “I will liberate Iran with Big Mac and Coca Cola”
White House, Washington: Donald Trump will be going to war with Iran, in order to improve the dining facilities for ordinary Iranians. “I say, do you hear me? I say this!” “Nobody, but nobody, beats America with Big Mac and Coke!” “So many...
Read full storyCarrie On Boris As New PM Stars In Movie Classic
London, UK - (What-a-Carrie-on-Mess): Incoming British Prime Minister Boris Johnson is to star in a new Pinewood Studios classic about the perils of mismatched coupling in the internet dating age. Carrie On Boris will see the new PM rework a 1970...
Read full storyDairy Industry Explains that What It Does to Bulls Is Totally Different from Bestiality
"It's not even in the same realm as bestiality," said Larry Wells, CEO of Vermont-based organic dairy company Wholesome Secretions, Inc., regarding the dairy industry practice of stimulating bulls' penises to collect the semen used to artificially in...
Read full storyChina Plans 'Open Discussion' With Hong Kong Protesters
Protesters who have surrounded the central police headquarters in Hong Kong "will get to air their views, and a satisfactory solution will be reached", say the oppressive and deadly authorities in China. The protesters have been calling for an ext...
Read full storySmoking and "Shit-Talking" by Human Resources Department in Break Area Intimidates Newly-Hired Maintenance Mechanic From Detroit, Michigan
Wisconsin. Finding himself appalled, intimidated, and "somewhat dismayed" by the conversations he heard on his first week as a maintenance mechanic at Universal Decking & Furniture Products, Inc., 47-year-old Biff Spud told reporters last Tuesda...
Read full storyBoris Johnson Has Fucking Big Row With Girlfriend
The new Tory leader-elect, Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson, has had a steaming, great fucking row with his girlfriend, Carrie Symonds, at her London home, say neighbours. Johnson and Symonds were said to be arguing like 'cat and dog' during the...
Read full storySchool Cleaner's Mop Stunk Of Puke
A man working at a computer in a school today, became acutely aware of a smell of vomit that smacked him in the face like a steel ball hammer, and sent him scurrying from the scene like the waiter in the Mr. Creosote sketch. Moys Kenwood, 55, was...
Read full story