Gun Blames its Owner for Murder
A 9mm Glock used to kill a local man says its owner is to blame for the murder. The gun’s attorney asserts that guns don’t kill people, people kill people. “My client may have actually killed this person by ejecting a bullet from its chambers t...
Read full storyJudge Kavanaugh Agrees To Marry Accuser And Make Her An Honest Woman
BILLINGSGATE POST: Judge Brett Kavanaugh notified attorneys for Christine Blasey Ford that he would agree to marry her if she dropped her charges that he attempted to rape her. Citing his responsibility to “make her an honest woman,” Judge Kavanaug...
Read full storyMan Tried To Show Girlfriend How His Pee Defies Gravity
A manchild from a city in a country attempted to drunkenly show his long-suffering girlfriend how his pissing technique defied gravity, it has emerged. The male, who cannot be named for embarrassment reasons, is believed to have drank around six p...
Read full storyStormy Daniels on the President’s appendage in exclusive interview
Investigators were able to speak to Ms. Daniels yesterday on revelations that may play a vital role in the upcoming midterm elections. That is,Ms. Daniels has declared there is some abnormality in the President’s physiology, possibly indicating he...
Read full storySenator Ted Cruz on what to do if you're in your home and find yourself murdered by police
In a television interview Sunday, Senator Ted Cruz offered the public some wise advice on how to react when you find yourself murdered in your own home by police. Speaking about the recent fatal shooting of a black man in Dallas, the Senator astutel...
Read full storySesame Street's Bert and Ernie May Not Be Gay, But Sex Scandals Aren't New to TV Puppets
The TV producer of Sesame Street has denied that its co-habiting duo, Bert and Ernie, are gay, following comments by one of the show's writers. Sesame Workshop felt it necessary to issue a statement saying the pair "do not have a sexual orientatio...
Read full storyPurple Helmet Was Filthy Under The Rim
There was a wagging of tongues in the Battambang commune of Tapon this morning when it became apparent to local residents that the purple helmet of one of their number was in a particularly dirty and unhygienic state. The helmet in question, that...
Read full storyRed Indians to replace rednecks on Pennsylvania Avenue
'Alarmed and confused' about developments in their country, indigenous Americans have charged into the White House in Washington and occupied it, effectively putting an end to the Trump administration. Chief Wobbly Clod, a descendant of Crazy Hors...
Read full storyDr. Quigley Answers Couples' Fertility Questions
Dear Dr. Quigley My wife and I want to thank you so much for your help now that she has managed to give birth despite the fact that several years ago I was told I am completely sterile. Your treatment worked wonders and we are both happy that she didn't have to resort to IVF which can be a traumatic experience. A. Simpleton, Bangor. Mr. Simpleton, you don't have to thank me as it was my plea...
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