Red Indians to replace rednecks on Pennsylvania Avenue

Written by T. Loaf

Thursday, 20 September 2018

'Alarmed and confused' about developments in their country, indigenous Americans have charged into the White House in Washington and occupied it, effectively putting an end to the Trump administration.

Chief Wobbly Clod, a descendant of Crazy Horse, announced the edifice would now be painted red. "Symbolism is of essence to us. Red Indians need to replace rednecks in power," he explained.

Members of the Apache, Sioux and Cherokee tribes stormed the grounds at the weekend bearing tomahawks and reservation permits. Within hours they had erected a settlement of wigwams and tepees, as well as wattle and daub houses on the lawns. "You can't sleep inside", said Chief Rubber Blubber, "the house is full of folk with forked tongues...hillbillies and nutters...squaws so tall you blow into their navels...and men with empty heads. Scalping is futile. A lunatic asylum.."

A pow-wow with White House staff has been organised for Tuesday. Whether the President will attend remains doubtful. "He thinks he's Sitting Bull, but he moves like a racoon and grunts like a moose. Very shady, would look good strapped to our totem pole," said an Apache, who asked not to be named. "You always spell me wrong anyway," he added.

From a balcony on the second floor, an old man with wheat chaff-colored hair sprayed to his head screamed at the gathering below: "Hey, what's all the noise!!??"

"Looks like he's been scalped a few times before..." commented a squatter.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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