Judge Kavanaugh Agrees To Marry Accuser And Make Her An Honest Woman

Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate

Thursday, 20 September 2018


The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Judge Kavanaugh Agrees To Marry Accuser And Make Her An Honest Woman

BILLINGSGATE POST: Judge Brett Kavanaugh notified attorneys for Christine Blasey Ford that he would agree to marry her if she dropped her charges that he attempted to rape her. Citing his responsibility to “make her an honest woman,” Judge Kavanaugh stated that, upon her acceptance, he would immediately go through Catholic Church protocol to obtain an annulment from his present marriage.

Citing Mark 9:42: “Whoever causes one of these little ones who trusts in me to fall into sin, it would be better for him if a great millstone were hung around his neck and he were thrown into the sea.”

“Trust me. I would rather not have a millstone hanging around my neck if the Democrats are going to throw me into the ocean."

"Do you believe this gesture will placate Pocahontas and Spartacus?"

“I certainly hope so. Ms. Ford has indicated that she and her husband received counseling because of her repressed memory of this alleged happening. Even though I wasn’t there, as a gentleman of Jesuit training, I will accept responsibility for the action. My only regret is that my buddy allegedly jumped on the two of us before her dream reached total fruition.”

Asked by reporters if he was going through this in order to be confirmed for the Supreme Court, he squinted his eyes and replied:

“I hope it’s worth it.”

NOTE: Although this story was compiled from anonymous sources, The BILLINGSGATE POST was offered four Pinocchios to bury it.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more