Written by Dave Henry

Thursday, 20 September 2018

image for Gun Blames its Owner for Murder
This gun is charging its owner with murder

A 9mm Glock used to kill a local man says its owner is to blame for the murder.

The gun’s attorney asserts that guns don’t kill people, people kill people.

“My client may have actually killed this person by ejecting a bullet from its chambers that went into the body of the murdered man, but he did not pull the trigger,” said the attorney.

He said his client had nothing against the dead man and would never kill him on his own volition. All the blame lies with the guns owner, he said.

“My owner tried to get away with murder, but I am here to turn him in. He’s an asshole and deserves to go to jail for the rest of his life,” said the gun.

The gun added that, while he was built for the sole purpose of killing people, he is truly a gentle soul who would rather cuddle on a couch with a hot cup of coffee and a good old black and white movie than be an agent of death.

“I can’t help it that I was born a gun, but this is my lot in life. I wish I was a fuzzy blanket or a pair of slippers, but I’m not — I’m a gun and I have to live with it, but I don’t have to sit silently by and let people get away with murder.”

Experts say this new breed of smart sensitive guns could spell trouble for criminals. While they are the instruments of death, they are also all witnesses to murder and could testify against their murderous owners.

“This could end gun violence as we know it,” said the expert. “If guns start to implicate their owners with crimes, it could be a real effective deterrent.”

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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