Whormonal Judge Sure Screwed Over Those Ugly Democrats
Washington AC/DC, USA - Fans of new SCOTUS jurist Judge Pantsonfire are thrilled at the erection of a 50ft statute - uh, statue - of the Supreme Court rookie according to a leaky urinal in Capitol Hill. Located outside the Democratic Party’s DC he...
Read full storyThe Senate will now recognize gallery patrons for fifteen minutes of screaming and shouting
After Senator’s remarks and before a final confirmation vote on Brett Kavanaugh’s appointment to the Supreme Court, in a new twist on Senate procedure, Vice President Mike Pence set aside fifteen minutes for comments from the Senate gallery. “The Se...
Read full storyKavanaugh Gropes Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg in first day on Supreme Court!
All major TV and cable news channels looked on today as the following took place...and a nation watched! It was a stunned eight Justices that watched today as a very late new Justice, Brett Kavanaugh, arrived at his first meeting! All cameras were...
Read full storyMoviegoers Excited To Sleep Through “First Man”
Fans of sleeping in comfortable movie chairs are excited about the upcoming release of First Man, the latest in the Hollywood tradition of boring movies about space, "We're proud of First Man," said producer, Robert Weinberger. "We think it's th...
Read full storyBill Cosby Is A Victim Of 'The Law' (Or He Might Be, But We'll Never Know For Sure)
Bill Cosby, the black comedian, who was jailed as a result of being found guilty of, is a victim of 'Law', and should be freed immediately. The law, in most countries, decrees that people thought to have broken the law with regard to 'serious crime', should go to prison. This is where the Law makes its biggest mistake. Before we get to that, however, we must first establish that a person...
Read full story"999 What's Your Emer...Ah Fuck It"
A shocking new report has found that over one million crimes a year aren’t even investigated by the police. To people who enjoy stealing cheap bottles of cider, this is great news! But, for those of us who expect our law enforcement to do a semi comp...
Read full storyMan In Trouble Over Late Return Of Library Book
A man who returned a library book after its 'return by' date is in trouble with the authorities in Hull. Moys Kenwood from the city, borrowed 'Favorite Dishes Of Iran' from Hull Central Library in October 2013, knowing full well that it had to be...
Read full storyKavanaugh To Get His Own TV Show About 'Lying'
Judge Brett Kavanaugh, the man who was cleared by a 'select panel' of any sexual wrongdoing, either in the past or in the future, has reportedly been approached to host his very own television show about lying. It's understood that Kavanaugh is th...
Read full storyBill Cosby Found With Two Drumsticks Shoved Up His Rectum
There were scenes of total panic at 'unlock' this morning, when jailed comedian, Bill Cosby, was found in his cell with a pair of drumsticks shoved up his anus. Cosby, star of 'The Cosby Show', and co-writer of the show's theme tune, 'Kiss Me', us...
Read full storyJohn Terry 'Retires' From Football, To Disguise The Fact That Nobody Wants Him
John Terry, the former Chelsea and England player, has announced his retirement from football, as nobody wants him anymore. Terry, 37, played more than 700 games for Chelsea, and won 78 England caps. He joined Aston Villa for the 2017/18 campaign,...
Read full story9-Year-Old Boy Plays One Game of “Pac-Man,” Then Eats Every Period on The Internet
AUSTIN, TX – After playing one game of “Pac-Man,” 9-year-old boy Malcolm Rurn flew into an uncontrollable frenzy, eating every period on the internet “I have Pac-Man fever!” Rurn shouted “I need to eat those dots before those ghost bastards get he...
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