Fred Wilpon Addresses Media
New York Mets Majority Owner Fred Wilpon talked to the media following another Mets loss, the most recent being an 8-7 loss to the Milwaukee Brewers. "Just because our talent is lacking due to injuries doesn't mean that it's time to panic," a de...
Read full storyLouisiana Crawfish Catches on Fast Regarding Festival Supposedly in His Honor
When first invited to attend the Cajun Crawfish Fest in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, crawfish Caleb Mattingly was extremely gratified to learn that his fellow Louisianans so appreciated his contribution to the eco-diversity of the bayou regions that they'...
Read full storyDay dos at the Nutters Beach Club!
VIP Updates: YES! We had a resounding, successful opening last night, BURP! WAN-KIN-DIK's®️ Dog Roast (Veggie version) was 'woofed' down and, now he has promised clients a 1001 Dalmatian soup version (vegan style) to keep our punters warm, cure their hangovers, and stop diarrhea all season! Yes, we are barking mad too! However, Volga Olga's left boob was swinging so much, a la Edgar Allan...
Read full storyPresident Trump Announces Plan To "Clone Hitler"?
President Donald Trump woke up groggy after a troubled sleep and muttered that he had a new super duper plan for building the biggest bestest superwall ever. The 72 year old serial sexual harasser went on to elaborate that stem cells from Hitler'...
Read full storyCritics: "Solo" is no go
HOLLYWEIRD, CALIFORNICATE — Although “Solo Sex: A Star Whores Story” is, by some accounts, “the worst movie ever made,” the news media feel obliged to cover the gooey mess, since Diznee Studios spends a lot of money advertising such fare in newspape...
Read full storyPhil Collins says that "Incels" like him should just have a big wank
Phil Collins is a 67 year old bald man best known for playing drums and sometimes yelping along. He is also an "Incel" or involuntarily celibate person, and he has a message for other Incels like him. "I never lost me virginity nor nuffing until I...
Read full storyObummer's library faces "challenges"
WHITEWASHINGTON, DC — The secret design for the Baroque Insane Obummer Unpresidential Libary was approved by the Windy City, officials saying the plans passed the “smell test.” However, the library faces funding challenges. “Nobody wants to pay fo...
Read full storyEnd Of Season Review
After a weekend of sporting drama both at home and on the continent, it is with great pleasure that Back and to the Left news can announce that Doncaster Captain, James Coppinger, has signed a new one year deal with the club. The new contract, wi...
Read full storyNutters Beach Club
Summer season GRAND OPENING! After a long hard winter the NUTTERS BEACH CLUB is now open for business once again and, here are some updates and renewals for you all to chew upon: My Chinese chief chef, WAN-KIN-DIK, has been back to China to learn some new recipes for the superb 5 star cuisine restaurant and the highlight this year is "Roasted dog, veggie version, with 'blown lice' (My Canton...
Read full story‘I saw Jezza’s sausage’ says nightclub worker.
Jeremy Corbyn’s team were in turmoil last night after a 36 year-old pole dancer, who performs under the stage name of Sturdy Annuals, claimed to have seen the Labour leader tucking into bangers and mash in a Camden café. Sturdy (real name Kylie Le...
Read full storyJeremy Hunt says £18,000 for mending his gate is 'very good value.'
“Hello? Is that Boots the Builders?" “Bob speakin.” “It’s Jeremy here.” “Jeremy?” “Jeremy Hunt … from Bedsyde Manor? You put a new bolt on our garden gate last week for £18,000?” “Ah yeah, Mr ‘Unt. I remember the job. Very awkward that, very nasty. I ‘ad to send Roman down the ‘ardware for longer screws. You callin’ about the price?” “Oh no, not at all, I thought it was very fair...
Read full storyMan Saw Washing Blown From Lines
Freakish weather conditions in the Cambodian province of Battambang were reported this morning, with strong winds by far the main problem, leaving residents claiming items had been blown from their washing lines. The isobars on weather charts must...
Read full storyTrump-Kim Summit to Include Farting Contest
The summit meeting between Donald Trump and Kim Jong Un is apparently back on, after Dear Leader Kim acceded to one of President Trump's key demands. "I am only too happy to accept President Trump's challenge," announced the Dear Leader in a press...
Read full storyReal Madrid Sign Karius From Liverpool
European champions Real Madrid celebrated last night after overcoming a resilient Liverpool side in the Champions League final in Kiev, then announced they have signed the Anfield club's German goalkeeper, Loris Karius. Madrid won the game 3-1 - t...
Read full storyOperation Paradise: one of the President’s dreams last Tuesday night
WILL VISIT EARTH. ARRIVING WHITE HOUSE LAWN JUNE 21 1:00 P.M. THIS IS NOT REPEAT NOT THE SECOND COMING. GOD. The message had arrived—in a tweet somehow—and then a second message nearly drove the President into a tantrum. “My God, He’s giving us only three weeks as it is!” God, for His mysterious reasons, was requesting transportation from the stratosphere, just beyond the region of the mo...
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