School Principal Openly Admits that He is a Power-Hungry Sack of Shit
Aaron Downing, a 45-year-old Principal at St. Lincoln High School, openly confessed last Tuesday that he is a big, stupid, arrogant, smelly, jerk-off, fuck-face, power-hungry, sack of shit. "I would like to take this time to announce that I am...
Read full storyIn final battle of Mexican-American War, Tucker Carlson reclaims tacos for America
On last night's state run media broadcast of Tucker Carlson Tonight, host Tucker Carlson reignited old hostilities that lay dormant for over 150 years. The issue: ownership of the disputed El Territorio de los Tacos. Halfway into a segment with ...
Read full storyJohn L. Way says "hell no" to Colon Pencildick
Denvah, Collie Raddo—Has-been NFL quarterback John L. Way, who now manages to manage the Denvah Broncs, said, “No way will Colon Pencildick play foosball for my team. He stinks.” The has-been quarterback and general manager of the Broncs added, “W...
Read full storyAncient Document Sheds Light on Trumps Scottish Ancestry
It has been revealed that an ancient and valuable document has been found in the Outer Hebrides, part of Scotland, relating to POTUS Donald Trump's Scottish ancestry. The delicate parchment was discovered in a previously-unsearched chamber, deep b...
Read full storyQueen's Witch Doctor Killed in Cycle Accident
A doctor to the Queen has been killed while cycling in London, having been fatally injured in a collision with a lorry in High Holborn. Dr Peter Fisher was a world expert in homeopathy and an esteemed member of the royal medical household, having...
Read full storyWoman Flicked Her Friend's Bean In Full View Of Boss
An office worker at a major financial company in New York, landed herself in hot water this afternoon, after an unsavory incident in the firm's canteen. Marsha Wibblestein, 22, was having lunch with co-workers, Gretchen Hilder, Tammy Papp and Bren...
Read full storyNation Forgets Why They Are Outraged
In an almost-unprecedented event, the entirety of the United States seemingly forgot what it was that they were outraged about this morning. The phenomenon hasn’t been experienced since mid-September of 2013, and experts are hard at work to determine...
Read full storyOswald Shot JFK, Man Walked on Moon and Other Conspiracies
There are a lot of crazy conspiracy theories out there. For example, some people actually believe that JFK was killed by Lee Harvey Oswald. Others think that Neil Armstrong actually walked on the moon. Are they insane? How would he even get to the moon? Still others believe that America is still a democracy. Now that’s just ridiculous. Where do these people come up with this stuff? Thes...
Read full storyWoman Highly Unimpressed With The Man She Was Stalking
34-year-old Sharon Brooks, a violent, emotionally-disturbed, hyperactive, obsessive-compulsive, delusional, narcissistic nymphomaniac with a history of mental illness and a criminal record longer than a 'coast-to-coast' railroad, said that she was h...
Read full storyResearchers Cut The Cheese in the Tomb of Ptooie Punte
Researchers in the tomb of Ptooie Punte, Mayor of Memphis Eygpt, discovered that the ancient mummy mayor was packing cheese! Indeed, that cheese contains contaminants that may have killed the pharoah and many in his family. "This cheese causes ext...
Read full story