Written by Jas Guipe

Friday, 17 August 2018


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On last night's state run media broadcast of Tucker Carlson Tonight, host Tucker Carlson reignited old hostilities that lay dormant for over 150 years. The issue: ownership of the disputed El Territorio de los Tacos.

Halfway into a segment with the show's guest, journalist Enrique Acevedo of Univision, Acevedo implied Mexican ownership of Mexican food by asserting that Mexicans should share their food and culture with Americans.

Carlson immediately became indignant that someone from south of the border should sneak into the United States, onto the set of his show, and try to claim Tucker's tacos for their own country.  "What do you mean 'their food'?  It's American food!  It's American food!  What do you think, you own tacos now, or something?"

Acevedo, clearly punch drunk from the verbal blows Carlson was landing at will, meekly tried to defend himself by claiming we should all celebrate each other's cultures.

Carlson expertly deflected this limp wristed jab from the left, and again began to pummel his guest. "What do you mean each other's cultures?  It's an American food, it's an American food - you're not going to appropriate my culture.  I'm from San Diego, man.  Those are my tacos.  Mine!"

Acevedo had to be removed on a stretcher after that final beat down.  However, Carlson wasn't finished, as he turned and addressed the camera.  Speaking to a stunned audience, he said "First they came for our jobs, and I did not speak out because I didn't have one.  Then they came for the journalists, and I did not speak because I'm not a journalist.  Now they're coming for our tacos, and I'll be damned if I'm going to let them fuck with Tuck's tacos.  And listen up, China, because I'm talking to you now.  That General Tso's Chicken is mine!"  

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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