In a baffling burst of candor, Obama declares war on everyone
President Obama today declared war on every country in the world, and upon his own citizens as well. In so doing, he merely acknowledged what many savvy observers have known or suspected for decades. American troops, private contractors, Homel...
Read full storyNational Guards May Fight Federal Troops
19 republican Senators, and the "Coal Is Good For Health Institute," today issued a joint press release condemning President Obama's "War On Coal." The Senators are from Wyoming, West Virginia, Pennsylvania and Illinois who are the largest coal prod...
Read full storyU.S. Congress Is Admired Throughout The World
As is well known, the U.S. Congress represents the wisdom of the whole nation. The two houses together are an august, majestic body admired throughout the world. Perhaps symbolic of the will of millions of Americans is the re-election of GOP Ok...
Read full storyDonald Trump Tries to Crash Meeting Between Bill Gates and Warren Buffet-Made to Wait All Day in Lobby
New York, NYDonald Trump was left sitting in the lobby at the BOSS lobby (short for Billionaire's Organization to Surmise Shit) today, the equivalent of having to sit at the "little kid's table" at Thanksgiving. Apparently, the big boys like Warre...
Read full storyLoner offended by new Starbucks promotion
LAMETOWN, Pa. - James Shaverford, 28, was on Twitter this morning when he saw an offensive promoted tweet from Starbucks appear on his timeline. The promotion said, "Buy any holiday drink & get one free for a friend." Shaverford, being a lone...
Read full storyDNA from Lake Champlain 'monster' tests positive for Hillary Clinton genome
New York - A large humped underwater monster, believed to be part Tanystropheus and part freshwater jellyfish, has been DNA tested to reveal close blood ties with presidential wannabe Hillary Clinton. Cryptozoologists trawling the depths around L...
Read full storyThe Church and Same Sex Marriage
If the lord would make the miracle of 'Immaculate Conception' available to lesbian couples they would no longer need to locate an adult novelty store to consummate their marriage. This should make the church quite happy. Gay couples can consummate quite easily, but would still need to adopt because even the lord can't make the sun shine everywhere. Is human canine next? A lot of folks really d...
Read full storyKardashian pics: body-double comes forward
Following the release of 'those pictures' of Kim Kardashian a few days ago, we can now reveal that it was, as some predicted, nothing more than a publicity stunt, and in fact a body-double was used. And if that was not sensational enough we can also...
Read full storyAmazion Taking Christmas Orders For New Faster Than Light Game Console Computers
Heisenberg's quantum principles have been used to make the "Decahedral" processor chips in the new "faster than light" computers which will be available for Christmas. Predictably Britain's James Bond and the C.I.A. have ordered one each from Amazio...
Read full storyMarauding Tiger On Loose Near Paris
Los Angeles - There are reports this weekend of an out-of-control Tiger Woods lookalike prowling outside Paris Hilton's Bel Air boudouir. The sexy beast was seen howling at the moon above the blonde socialite's pad as security guards prepared to d...
Read full storyPete Rose and Mark McGuire Hold Baseball Commissioner Hostage
Cooperstown, NYIn breaking news, Pete Rose and Mark McGuire, former baseball players, have grabbed baseball commissioner Bud Selig and taken him here to Cooperstown, in an attempt to get themselves put into the Baseball Hall of Fame. Rose of course,...
Read full storyShetland Islands Vote to Secede from Scotland and Join Norway
Shetland MainlandTired of being "held down" by Scotland all these years, the Shetland Islands will vote on whether they will quit Scotland and join Norway. When Scotland had their vote about quitting England, it made us think about it. We sent a f...
Read full storyHow to Defend Your Wife's Honour
During a recent dinner party, my wife casually emasculated me. She told our guests that if she were ever publically insulted by another man, the prospect of my leaping to her defence was laughable. To be fair, she did a service to the party, which had been a symphony of stifled yawns until our guests perked up at my unexpected shaming. They allowed me the dubious concession that I shouldn't be exp...
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