North Koreans and United Nations Both Post Human Rights Declarations
New York, NY/Pyongyang, N. KoreaIn a surprising development, both the UN and North Korea issued documents on human rights. Even though the UN Report reported numerous incidents of human rights abuses, after reading the glowing report of the North...
Read full storyCataclysmic Comet Collision to End World in Two Weeks Time
Scientists controlling the Rosetta Space Probe's landing on a huge comet were jubilant that the mission had succeeded this morning, but their joy turned to horror when the Orbiter Craft plunged into the comet and shifted it into a deadly collision co...
Read full storyCongress Votes to End Social Security and Use Money Left to Build Monuments to Various Republican Presidents
Washington, DC-Republican leaders of Congress said that since the middle class is pretty much gone anyways, we might as well end that socialistic social security. The excess money will be spent on various Presidential monuments, surprisingly, all of...
Read full storyDrunk Rosetta Comet Lander Takes £3bn Selfie Photograph And Exposes Itself
The three billion pound "comet riding 'Rosetta'" spacecraft is thought to be reclining on the comet and sending texts and selfies instead of doing difficult experiments. The Rosetta descended from its mothership yesterday and was too intoxicated with...
Read full storyNorth Carolina, first state to approve hunting dems with dogs!
It was an almost carnival atmosphere this morning at the State House in Raleigh, North Carolina.Journalists from all over the world attended a press conference held by the House of Representatives to announce the passage of legislation approving the...
Read full storyObama Invites Immigrants to Bunker Down in White House
Washington, DC-In breaking news it was announced that Obama, in order to shield them from Republican legislators bound and determined to deport them, will allow a multitude of immigrants to have sanctuary in the White House. Obama has had barriers...
Read full storyPhilae Probe Lands on Comet 67P-Discovers Life!
Darmstadt, Germany-Scientists were astounded today when the Philae Probe spacecraft, which has miraculously landed on Comet 67P, right away sent back pictures of a microscopic civilization located on the surface of the comet! What was probably mor...
Read full storyRosetta Stoned Shock
Peace probe Rosetta, Sweet Rosetta, is stoned. Georgie Fame commented 'Well, well, well' and scientists are on a high. But the news coming in from the floating lady in the sky tells us that in the beginning was weak gravity. Hardly surprising that...
Read full storyAlphabetical Disorder: Lower Case Letters Overpower Caps
In a gutsy move years in the making, every lower-case letter moved against it's upper-case counterpart in a timed action that resulted in a complete upheaval of the entire alphabet. The entire event took only 3 minutes from beginning to end. The over...
Read full storySepp Blatter to become Villain in next James Bond movie "Own Goal"
European crook Sepp Blatter will be the arch villain of the next James Bond movie, Pinewood Studios has announced. James Bond is an iconic fictional British spy who infiltrates evil organisations bent on world domination and kills their leader, us...
Read full storyEuropean Court rules that Germany can put Illegal Immigrants onto the next European Space Shuttle
A Landmark decision by the European Court that allows European governments to send Illegal Immigrants into Outer Space on the European Space Shuttle has been welcomed by the British and German governments. The ruling concerns a family of twenty seven...
Read full storyNew warning to Scotland's parents - shock 'substance' abuse heads north
Health Scotland, Police Scotland and Mars Confectionery issued a joint warning to Scotland's parents and teenagers last night as fears grow around a new substance abuse crisis sweeping large areas of the central belt in Scotland. Teens and pasty face...
Read full storyMaverick RAF Cock Drawing Pilot shows some bollocks this time!
RAF Lossiemouth confirmed to the The Daily Nettle today, that one of their most daring pilots, Flight Lootenant Wing Commander Flight Captain Viceroy Gordon 'Goose' Maverick, has been carpeted by station big-wigs for the second time in a week, after...
Read full story"Seal our borders" - illegal immigrant in Paddington
UKIP, right wing Tories and red-top tabloids have all today condemned the entrance of an illegal immigrant into Paddington. The suspect believed to be named as Paddington Bear was taken in my a suburban family believed to be known as 'The Browns' and...
Read full storyIt's just Wronga - Pocketmoney Loan Co. opens in Glasgow School!
Government big-wigs may be forced to act if notorious Payday lenders continue their expansion into the children's pocketmoney market. Payday loan sharks Wronga ! see Easterend Primary School in Glasgow as the ideal trial point in the UK for their con...
Read full storyRosetta Philae
Common crow admirably performs its organizational assignment as stated in the job description: Urban and Rural Macrophage, duly saved in the crow's DNA. In service of nature, the crow disposes of discarded harmful waste. Biologically, it has all the vital organs that human species has excluding the dangerous mentality of mankind. At dawn, common crow, an early bird, perches on insulated live c...
Read full storyObama Has Identity Stolen by Muslim Teenager
Washington, DC-President Barack Obama's identity was stolen recently when he was trying on clothes at an upscale shopping mall and lost his wallet while in the dressing room. The wallet was stolen right under the noses of the Secret Service. After th...
Read full storyDepartment of Political Correctness unveils new euphemisms
The Department of Political Correctness unveiled its new set of 2014-2015 euphemisms today at a press conference in New York after the old euphemisms acquired the same negative connotations as the original phrases. "We believe that these new euphe...
Read full storySpacecraft Philae's First Words Back to Earth
Dr. Isaac Dreamflogger, leading the successful Rosetta Mission to land a spacecraft on Comet 67P orbiting 310 million miles from earth has taken questions on the mighty achievement at a news conference in London. This is the first conference to be he...
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