The three billion pound "comet riding 'Rosetta'" spacecraft is thought to be reclining on the comet and sending texts and selfies instead of doing difficult experiments. The Rosetta descended from its mothership yesterday and was too intoxicated with heat shield fumes to employ the landing harpoons. After bouncing 1km into space it landed in a non-parallel position and was spotted drinking from a two litre bottle of "Diamond Bright" cheap cider by the orbiter telescope. Rosetta was asked by wifi if it was better and if it was well well well.
A series of hiccups was the only reply along with uploaded "selfie" images of Rosetta doing a "knees up" to Chuz and Dave's piano music pub singalong cd.