Written by Jaggy Nettles

Thursday, 13 November 2014

image for It's just Wronga - Pocketmoney Loan Co. opens in Glasgow School!

Government big-wigs may be forced to act if notorious Payday lenders continue their expansion into the children's pocketmoney market. Payday loan sharks Wronga ! see Easterend Primary School in Glasgow as the ideal trial point in the UK for their controversial junior branch Pounds-to-Pocketmoney. The cash strapped board of Governors have rented out a small area next to the tuck shop in an effort to boost school coffers.

Payday lenders have come under fire from customers, community groups, the church and junkies for the high fees charged in order to access quick and ready cash, with interest rates in the thousands of percent. Now school kids, and their regular Friday pocket money day income, have been targeted by the heartless misery pedlars intent on supplying sweets and cash, with innocent children becoming entrapped in a cycle of debt and misery, years before they become grown-ups trapped in a cycle of debt and misery.

Branch manager Sir Fred Goodwin claimed the new Pounds-to-Pocketmoney branch will provide a valuable boost to the playground economy . "In past years children ran up debt in other currencies such as Conkers, catapults, Beanos, Twinkles and dirty pictures. All we're doing is modernising and legitimising playground trade, as is a legal requirement under the finance bill , Uk Act (2002) and the sooner schools get their heads round that little known fact, the better for all. Tuck shops had better watch out, this industry is watching. It's all very well charging 25p for a Fudge but if they're not auditing, they're editing as we used to say at RBS. Their accounts had better be spot on".

The Daily Nettle fearlessly sent in our undercover agent Wee Jimmy Krankie yesterday, to find out how the practice works, and we have passed our dossier on to the Bobbies. Parents and Junkies were shocked at the extent of the underhand tactics employed by P-to-P and their staff. Wee Jimmy ordered a Mars Bar and the house limit £3. By Thursday of next week, Wee Jimmy has to hand back a Mars Duo, twenty quid and his left testicle, which may prove ...em..for people that know him,.... a bit of a problem! Jake the junkie pointed out to the Daily Nettle that he'd" be lucky tae get a couple of magic mushies for three quid" whilst concerned parent Minnie Bairns has claimed that Christmas time is going to bring huge misery to the school and Glasgow in general. "All it's going to take is wee Poloma to borrow a Bueno before the schools break up and she'll have to hand in all her selection boxes after the New Year, Where does it stop" ? The Daily Nettle contacted Glasgow Council finance department yesterday but were told,"He's no' in, he's at the bookies"!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Money, Kids, Banks, poor, Bullying




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