The Polar Express by Chris van Allsburg
I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. One minute I was overjoyed that the little boy was heading to see Santa Claus then the next I was saddened by the fact that the poor kid lived in a crappy house, for me it was an emotional roller coaster. For this reader it became the Bipolar Express. Frankenstein by Mary Shelley Man makes a monster. Monster has bolts in his neck, big shoes and looks l...
Read full storyBook Review - Where The Heart Is by Billie Letts
I can answer that very easily, and without writing a novel about it. The heart lies within the thorax in the body. This location is called the mediastinum. The heart is about the size of your fist and is located substernal, center thoracic, superior to the stomach with the apex on the left. If you are going to write a novel, then do some research please. Word of warning. If you are a...
Read full storyBook Review - A Thousand Splendid Sons by Hosseini, Khaled
Silly me! I thought this book was about a sperm donor who discovered that he had fathered 1000 splendid SONS!! Anyway, I read it and I enjoyed it, but if anyone thinks that they can write about a man, a sperm donor, who fathers 1000 sons, who are all splendid then let me know and I will help write it. However, if Vince Vaughn is reading this then I do not need your help nor assistance. J...
Read full storyLeader of Russia's Upper House sports weird alien image popping out of dress
Moscow, Russia - Televised coverage of an outbreak of Russian realpolitik today saw a bizarre 'alien face' pop out of the folds of a blue silk dress worn by Valentina Matviyenko, Leader of Russia's Upper House, the Lublianka. Terrified Ukrainian...
Read full storyBook Review - Bridget Jones Diary by Helen Fielding
Basically chubby girl ends up getting shagged by two blokes, quite plausible if you have ever lived in London and seen some some of the chubby yet oddly pretty girls that hang around Kings Cross. Anyway, the book, a little more lighthearted than Anne Frank's effort, so points for that. Not a good book to take on tour with your rugby team chums. The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas: A Complete...
Read full storyBook Review - Shutter Island by Dennis Lehanne
A man, who looks like Leonardo Dicaprio, goes to a lunatic asylum and encounters other people, who all look like famous actors and actresses, which is odd to say the least, he is then either mad himself or someone is playing a terrible April's fools joke on him. You, the reader, decide. Lady Bird Johnson: An Oral History by Michael Gillette She invented oral? Wow! I did not know that! Or...
Read full storyAlbertsons buys Safeways
NEW YAWK, NEW YAWK -- As more states move to legalize "medical marijuana" use, Albertsons will purchase Safeway in an attempt to "take on" Walmart, and the two supermarket chains will compete as one against the world's largest retailer (yes, that wou...
Read full storyPutin's daughter Yekaterina files for US political asylum
New York - Outed as the secret eminence grise behind notorious Russian protest band Pussy Riot President Vladimir Putin's younger daughter has fled her Kiev, Ukraine safe house on a one way ticket to the USA. Yekaterina Yemiddletona arrived at JF...
Read full storyHistory Strikes Back - Barnes Wallis' Answer for the Crimea
Out of history often comes tales of those long dead returning to share visions and recalls of what was and may be. Here today, DeLisa ReNova of the BBC tells the story of her encounter with one of Britain's most famous innovators and heroes of WW2. A man who, in his time, helped change the course of world conflict... Ms. ReNova begins by explaining her job at the BBC, "I am, by most definitions...
Read full storyDavid Cameron to reintroduce Cadbury's Caramel Bunnies
David Cameron today revealed incredible plans to reintroduce Cadbury's Caramel Bunnies back into Britain so we can all 'take it easy'. The Prime Minister announced the plans from a chocolate river, built by poor people who had worked for no money...
Read full storyPolls show increased Respect for Republican Shamelessness
Dateline: WASHINGTON--Polls indicate that Republicans are more respected by Americans, as a result of their complicated response to Russian President Putin's invasion of Ukraine. Since George W. Bush's second term, polls revealed that Americans' r...
Read full storyCanadians urge Ukrainians to seek Peace through Dullness
Dateline: OTTAWA--Backed by a majority of Canadians, the Canadian government has passed a resolution urging Ukrainians to stop fighting and to handle their internal conflict by being more boring like, Canadians. Ukraine is split between ethnic Rus...
Read full storyGov. Rick Perry Talks To Crimea Secessionist
Sergei Aksyonov, the leader of the Crimea effort to secede from the Urkraine, who was installed as prime minister of Crimea after armed men seized the Parliament building last week, has had several conversations with Governor Rick Perry of Texas.
Read full storyAs The World Reels From the Ukraine, Events Follow Elsewhere
United Nations, NYC, NY (STT News) - In North Korea, Harmonic, Joyful and Heavenly Leader of All Living Things, Kim Jong-Un, announced that his nation can no longer stand by and allow Israel to threaten its borders from afar. As a signal of warning t...
Read full storyPBS bans 'upskirt' photos, closes Peeping Puppet loophole
BOSTON, MA - Public Broadcasting Service (PBS) has finally banned puppets from secretly taking pictures or video under another person's clothing. PBS management drafted the policy, forbidding the practice, after Elmo was caught up-skirting Katy P...
Read full storyThe Universe to Start Charging User Fees for Favors Granted
EVERYWHERE--In a blow to New Age enthusiasts worldwide, a spokesperson for the universe announced today that Mr. Universe would begin, in April, charging user fees whenever someone asks for a favor and is granted one. Said a spokesperson for the u...
Read full storyThe Kardashians are even more revolting in real life
Hollywood was in uproar last night after a celebrity plastic surgeon accidentally revealed that the Kardashians have been sharing their fat. Dr Geoffrey Nipantuck from the Beverly Hills Institute of Veterinarians accidently emailed details of the sis...
Read full storyAre They Really Back in the USSR?
Last night on a rusting Soviet-era troop ship docked in the Strait of Kerch between Crimea and Russia, there was an unusual gathering. Former members of the Red Army's October Banner Choir, along with hundreds of ethnic Russian Ukrainians, joined...
Read full storyUnknown nose-picker picked for Eurovision
A virtually unknown man from the North was unveiled last night as Britain's Eurovision contestant. "His musical talent is not necessarily of the highest standard," said a BBC TV spokesman, "but he is likely to win viewers over by his unique style...
Read full storyIntelligence chiefs under fire for not noticing 'massive exercise' sooner
Intelligence chiefs are said to be coming under heavy criticism for not providing timely warning of what was clearly a full-scale invasion in the Crimea. The head of the NSA is off the record in saying he was 'really quite irked' at the insensitivity...
Read full storyAmerican Idol's Emily Piriz Going Back Home To The Plywood State (Florida)
HOLLYWOOD - The three American Idol judges, Jennifer Lopez, Keith Urban, and Harry Connick, Jr., all stated at the start of the elimination show that they are getting harsher with their critiques because the producers have told them they have to in o...
Read full storyThe Alleged Rumors About Mariah Carey and Her Personal Trainer Are Spreading Like A Santa Ana Winds-Fed Wildfire
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - The Left Coast rumor mills have been working 24/7 churning out tidbits regarding the Mariah Carey - Nick Cannon marriage. Some of the RM's are saying that the picnic is over. Others state that Nick The Stick, who is 33, is gettin...
Read full storyThe Happiest Employees In Colorado Work For The Mellow Fellow Marijuana Farm in Boulder
BOULDER - It is no secret that since January 1, 2014, when the Marijuana Law went into effect in Colorado the state has seen a tremendous increase in happy people. When Governor John Hickenlooper signed the bill making it legal to buy and use pot...
Read full storyAnn Coulter, Republican Political Commentator Gets A GOP Themed Tattoo
VENICE BEACH, California - One of America's most infamous GOP political commentators Ann Coulter told GOPicky Magazine that she traveled to Venice Beach, California to get a Republican themed tattoo. "Trigger Face" Coulter, as Vice-President Joe B...
Read full storyVice-President Joe Biden Says That The Story About Him and Porn Star Pretzel Garibaldi Is Positively False, False, False
TOPEKA, Kansas - Vice-President Joe Biden traveled to Topeka, Kansas to speak at a convention of The Retired Hay Stackers of Kansas. After talking to the estimated 217 retirees, he was asked by one of the press members about the rumor that he and...
Read full storyA Group of Wisconsin Republican Women Tell Sarah Palin Not To Even Think About Running For President
MILWAUKEE - Vareena May Pottpiffle, executive director for The Blue Haired Republican Women of Wisconsin has sent Sarah Palin a very strongly worded text message. Mrs. Pottpiffle told the woman known as "Snowflake" Palin to not even think about ru...
Read full storySpain apologises for Gibraltar border delays after EU compensation ruling
In an apparent U turn, Spanish Premier Mariano Rahoy apologised for ultra long border delays at the Gibraltar fromtier. After a ruling on compensation over the dispute, Spanish customs and exercise officials said that the checks would henceforth be p...
Read full storyMadonna Brags That She Has The Best Boy Toy In America
NEW YORK CITY - Susan Sarandon is notorious for being involved in May-December relationships with much younger men. Jennifer Lopez, Sharon Stone, and Mariah Carey are also proud cougars. But Madonna, 55, has said that she has the best boy toy in t...
Read full story30,000 year old virus revived - amoebas queuing up for flu jabs
Amoebas everywhere are suffering from headaches, aching pseudopodia and high temperatures due to the reckless revival of a virus which only attacks them. An amoebic physician, Dr. Daphnia Clostridium said this morning "We are all so pissed. We hav...
Read full storyA New York Attorney Is Suing Canada For Not Seeding The Clouds With Anti-Snow Pellets
NEW YORK CITY - Noted New York City attorney Orson Manicotti has just filed a lawsuit on behalf of 16 New York City residents. The lawsuit is based on the fact that the government of Canada was told by The United States Department of Weather that...
Read full storyPope Francis Tells President Putin To Leave The Ukraine Alone
VATICAN CITY - Reports coming out of the Vatican are that Pope Francis has had his fill of seeing the news day in and day out regarding Russia's intimidation of the Ukraine. A spokesperson for the Vatican, Polo Pizarro, stated that his holiness is...
Read full storyKatie Holmes Fires One Of Her Bodyguards
NEW YORK CITY - Word out of the Big Apple is that Tom Cruise's ex-wife Katie Holmes has fired one of her two bodyguards. According to a reliale inside source, Rocco Stampafelli, who has been Katie's bodyguard for over a year was let go. It seem...
Read full storyLos Angeles Gang Members Are Fighting The Taliban In Afghanistan
LOS ANGELES - American Spotlight Magazine has just broke the story about members of an infamous Los Angeles gang fighting in Afghanistan against the Taliban. Fitzwater Ribicoff, with ASM said that he was told by a member of the El Lay Toros Bravos...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus and Katy Perry Are At Eat Others Throats Over Their Infamous Mouth-On-Mouth Kiss
WEST HOLLYWOOD - Miley Cyrus told Bedroom Pillow Talk that Katy Perry needs to grow a pair (of nads not knockers) and stop acting like she's the Tinsel Town version of little Miss Snow White. Cyrus was referring to the notorious deep kiss that her...
Read full storyA Sinkhole In Beverly Hills Swallows Up A Rolls Royce, A Bentley, and A Lamborghini
BEVERLY HILLS - Sinkholes do not only occur in Florida as residents of Pink Flamingo Drive in Beverly Hills have just found out. Beverly Hills resident Ibbie Dollardrift who is a Hollywood movie stuntwoman said that she was in bed at 3 am when all...
Read full storyActor/Director White Guilt Wins 58th Oscar
LOS ANGELES At the 86th academy awards the big winner was again perennial favorite White Guilt who topped off his already storied career with his 58th Academy Award for his performance in 12 Years A Slave. Says Guilt, "It was amazing to be part o...
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