Texas Adopts "Word A Day" Toilet Paper As Official Language Arts Course For High Schools
Austin, TX - The Texas State Board of Education has voted to make "Word A Day" toilet paper the core Language Arts course for Texas public high schools. Some parents have voiced opposition to the change because Word A Day toilet paper is more exp...
Read full storyBilderberg Conference on Terrorism
This special Bilderberg Conference was held in Madrid at the request of Prime Minister Mariano Rajoy. Officiating as usual was Satan. Compere was Jimmy Savile. Musical interlude was supplied by the late Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Elvis and Sammy Davis. Drinks were served by Obama Bin Laden. Seated regally on his golden throne wearing his black silk cloak, feet on desk and fingering his mala...
Read full storyBush and Blair should have nuked Fallujah says ex-First Earth Battalion's General Stubblebine
Fort Huachuca, Arizona - "Too damn busy minding their TV ratings," the Pentagon's former top psychic warfare specialist General Albert Stubblebine III told a specially convened meeting of the Military Intelligence Hall of Fame today. A Hall inaug...
Read full storyThe Maliki must stay policy in Iraq no contradiction to the Assad must go policy in Syria
White House and State Department officials are claiming no contradictions in a rush to support Mr. Maliki as leader of Iraq. Maliki must definitely stay, according to everyone in Washington with a view on the matter, starting with not-yet-announce...
Read full storyIt's Official! Angelina Jolie Adopts UK Foreign Secretary William Vague!
Over the last week, world famous super mega star and serial-adopter Angelina Jolie has rocked the political world by adopting the UK Foreign Secretary William Vague in a bid to highlight sexual violence in conflict. The conference which took plac...
Read full storyMan Loses The Plot
Imagine walking through town. You have a beard. The beard sits on your face. You realise this and so turn to look into a shoppe window hoping to catch a glimpse of you with your beard. There it is you think, still there. Anyway after this you turn a corner (as corners are notoriously difficult to navigate if one keeps walking in the same direction) and all of a sudden you are confronted with a her...
Read full storySusan Rice Thinks Militants Taking Over Iraq are Fighting With 'Honor and Distinction'
Baghdad - As Iraq falls into chaos, Sunday talk show queen Susan Rice applauded Izzat Ibrahim al-Douri and his militant army for taking over huge areas of territory in Syria and Iraq. "From what I've seen," Rice stated, "The militants have fo...
Read full storyMissing Wallet Found After Frantic Search That Included Swearing At Kids
A South Florida man is celebrating this evening after finding his lost result after an extensive search which included driving to all the stores he had visited that day, kicking his cat, calling his wife "an idiot" and swearing at his children. Du...
Read full storyRick Perry Likens Being an Asshole to Alcoholism (Or, Ooops! I Did it Again!)
AP--Texas Gov. Rick Perry (R) compared being an asshole to alcoholism Wednesday, arguing that both can be overcome. "Whether or not you feel compelled to be an asshole or not, you have the ability to decide not to do that," Perry explained during...
Read full storyWilliam Hague and Angelina Jolie Booked Same Hotel Room To Save Money
Paparazzi pictures of Cabinet Minister William Hague and Angelina Jolie booking the same hotel room on a recent campaign tour were dismissed as Photoshop fakes by Ms. Jolie this morning. A spokesperson for Ms. Jolie told our correspondant, "There...
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