Susan Rice Thinks Militants Taking Over Iraq are Fighting With 'Honor and Distinction'

Funny story written by E. Williams

Friday, 13 June 2014

Baghdad - As Iraq falls into chaos, Sunday talk show queen Susan Rice applauded Izzat Ibrahim al-Douri and his militant army for taking over huge areas of territory in Syria and Iraq.

"From what I've seen," Rice stated, "The militants have fought with honor and distinction after becoming enraged over a YouTube video starring Grumpy Cat."

The video reportedly shows Grumpy Cat in a light that is considered offensive to the nation of Islam. The human owners of Grumpy Cat have been taken into custody and are being held without bail.

Izzat Ibrahim al-Douri and his army have been storming cities throughout Iraq and taking over territory once considered stable with the help of American lives and blood. Now that territory has fallen back into the hands of the enemy.

Instead of wondering if a complete pull out of troops in Iraq was a mistake, Rice seemed impressed with the militant's efforts so far. "Hey, at least they're not deserting. You've got to give them props for that."

When asked if she thought maybe she should just stay in bed on Sunday mornings and avoid the Sunday talk show circuit, Rice answered, "I don't understand the premise of your question. Why would I do that?"

She suggested that she was going to work tirelessly on getting all cat videos scrubbed from the internet so the terrorists in the Middle East would finally calm down and live peaceful lives for a change.

When confronted with the fact that Izzat Ibrahim al-Douri is considered by many to be more vicious than Osama Bin Laden, Rice reacted with surprise. "Wait, what side is he on? I thought he was one of the good guys!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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