FBI To Begin Regulating Faygo Pop, the Weapons Used by Gang Member Juggalos of Insane Clown Posse
Washington, DC The FBI, since labeling the Insane Clown Posse group of fans the Juggalos a "gang," has since begun to call for regulation on the sale of Faygo Pop, used by Juggalos and the ICP themselves as deadly weapons. The Juggalos are known...
Read full storyDucks Strike Back At Lohan
Phil Robertson, elder and spokesman for the "Duck Dynasty" family has reacted to an article actress, singer Linsay Lohan where she allegedly called them a bunch of redneck swamp freaks. "From what I have read and talked with others, apparently t...
Read full storySperm Bank and Clinic Say Worker Fired Over Subbing His Own Sperm
A Sperm Bank and Clinic in Salt Lake City have fired worker, John Smith, for dumping donated sperm and replacing it with his own at a fertility clinic . A spokesman for the clinic, which may have a large lawsuit on it's hands, told reporters Tuesd...
Read full storyComedians have personality traits of assholes
Comedians have personality types linked with being total assholes, like many other creative types, which might explain why they are known for being such gigantic d**ks, researchers claim. They score highly on characteristics that in extreme cases...
Read full storyAstronauts bumped up to first class for another NASA first
Moscow - - US astronauts will be flying at an unprecedented level of comfort and style, thanks to a new agreement between NASA and Russian space shuttle operator Retro Rocket. The upgraded International Space Station package brings first-class servi...
Read full storyEchoes of the past as Gibraltar's strategic position underlined by passage of Russian Navy Fleet
Two groups of warships from Russia' s Northern Fleet have entered the Strait of Gibraltar heading to the Mediterranean Sea, the fleet said Wednesday. The strategic Gibraltar U.K. Military base issued a green flag for this authorised exercise. "...
Read full storyNew UK Political Party Shock
A New Political Party has arrived on the British scene which is likely to sweep to power at the next election. Think Tanks and Opinion Polls have together shown the way and leaders of UKIP and the Labour Party are joining to fight the next electio...
Read full storyAntarctica's 'Grand Canyon' eclipsed as Atlantis geologists discover frozen continent's very own 'Mount Rushmore'
Washington DC - Geologists chipping away at the icy incontinent's secrets have announced that sonar-generated subterranean images of a huge ice sculpture - dubbed the 'frozen Mount Rushmore' - effectively prove the existence of an advanced parallel...
Read full storyJustin Makes Daily Trip To Sperm Bank
You would think that Justin Bieber is trying to save up his sperm as at least his own blood supply, according to news reporters and some fans. But he is donating sperm regularly. He has apparently been changing banks lately after being spotted (an...
Read full storyA Gigantic Meteor The Size of Madison Square Garden Is Heading Towards Tucson, Arizona
WASHINGTON, D.C. - White House Press Secretary Cal Colfax has informed the news media that he has just received a very important message from The Galileo Galilei Astrological Observatory located in Saginaw, Michigan. Secretary Colfax said that he...
Read full storyPenny Marshall of Laverne and Shirley Fame Reveals She's A Lesbian
LA BREA, California - Penny Marshall sat at a table at The La Brea Tar Pits Diner and spoke with Ty Tickler of Hollywood Innuendo. The 70-year-old actress said that she had hid the fact that she was lesbionic for a long, long time. She explaine...
Read full storyColorado Has Just Opened The Largest Marijuana Storage Facility In The Entire World
DENVER - The state of Colorado has just issued a press release stating that the world's largest marijuana storage facility has just opened in Denver. The storage facility covers 13 acres and has hundreds of metal storage stack containers which hol...
Read full storyAmerican Idol Is Back With The Erotically Sexy Jennifer Lopez And Two Good Old Boys - Keith Urban and Harry Connick, Jr.
AUSTIN - The mama of all television singing competition shows American Idol is back and critics say it will be better than ever. Sangria Wine with TV ClickerWorld said that Ryan "Peaches" Seacrest is much more relaxed and is interacting more with...
Read full storyNASA Talks About The Rumors That It Is Moving From Houston To Detroit
HOUSTON - For several weeks now a rumor that NASA will be relocating its operations to Detroit has crisscrossed back and forth across the entire length of the country. Lyndon B. Johnson Space Center Assistant Spokesperson Skipper Flashfiddle, who...
Read full storyWynonna Judd Out of Control
NEW YORK CITY - Close family members and friends of country music singer Wynonna Judd are very concerned about the huge amount of weight that she has put on. Wynonna recently appeared on The View and Jenny McCarthy asked her if she was pregnant.
Read full storyWalmart Wants To Sponsor NASA's Next Space Shuttle
BENTONVILLE, Arkansas - The world's largest retail store has just contacted the National Aeronautics Space Administration about a business proposition. Walmart spokesperson Kimberley Silverlace stated that the Walton family has decided that they w...
Read full storyTiger Woods Admits He Is Getting Fed Up With Blonde Girlfriend Lindsey Vonn
CHICAGO - Tiger Woods flew into the Windy City to attend a new golf products convention. He told sports reporters that he had come across a terrific golf club that is excellent for hitting the ball out of a sand trap. The 38-year-old Woods said...
Read full storyNASA Reports That Its Mars Land Rover Curiosity Has Its Left Turn Signal Stuck
HOUSTON - NASA's Assistant Spokesperson Skipper Flashfiddle has just informed the press that they have received word of a small malfunction with the Martian land rover Curiosity. Flashfiddle said that at 2:07 a.m. a computer printout sent from the...
Read full storyScientists Warn That Jupiter and Mars Are Getting Closer To Each Other
HOUSTON - NASA is reporting that two of the world's most prominent scientists Dr. Heinrich Von Heinrich and Dr. Currington S. Clexweiser have warned about a planetary situation involving Mars and Jupiter. Dr. Von Heinrich said that he and Dr. Clex...
Read full storyAuntie Jean advises the chess champion of the world
Magnus Carlsen from Norway asks: "Auntie Jean, I am in the final of the world chess championship. Actually I am in the lavatory of the competition building and there is no toilet paper. I think my opponent has stuffed it all down the toilet to put me off my game. I was going to complete a series of moves ending in a spectacular "Carlsen checkmate" coup de gras, but now I can 't wipe my arse. Can...
Read full storyWalt Disney Thawed to Serve Jury Duty on Will Smith Spree Killing Case
Hard pressed to find a 12th U.S. citizen to serve on the jury for actor Will Smith's murder trial, the Supreme Court is enacting a wild card protocol which will see beloved animator Walt Disney thawed from cryogenic freeze to serve as the final juror...
Read full storyGreat Wall of Watford to be built to keep "Oiks" out
Another "Hadrian's Wall" is to be built just north of Watford so that David Cameron, George Osborne and the rest of the Royal Family can completely forget about Northerners and Welsh and Scottish people. Suddenly being reminded about the Norther...
Read full storyCrock Bros. Mega Yacht Sinks Chemical Kings Now Safe
The Crock Brothers, David and Charles, their wives (shunned by most of NY society because of right-wing extremist views of their husbands), and crew of the Leander, a 246-foot mega yacht that costs up to $500,000 per week to rent, have all been rescu...
Read full storyJustin Bieber Had Invisible Childhood Friend
Justin Bieber told reporters yesterday that he knew he was going to be kidded a lot but that was OK. "Like most kids I had this childhood friend that only I could see and his name was Tidy Little!" This brought a hearty laugh from the crowd but...
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