Princess Diana's head 'buried with French woman's torso' says Paris Deep Throat
France - A supergrass in a complex French fraud case who wants to cut a Prosecution deal says he has proof Princess Diana's decapitated head 'was bolted on to a French woman's torso' and buried in haste to avoid 'the horrible truth'. Paris underta...
Read full storyYoko Ono's designer adult diaper line bombs
New York - The octogenarian artist is being sued over intellectual property rights to her latest line of geriatric sanitary wear by rival designers who allege plagiarism and, er, 'taking the piss'. Ono's super-absorbent incontinence pads were laun...
Read full storyBill Gates Funding New Condom Design
Bill Gates is funding a new condom design to be better and more comfortable than the old design. While enormously successful with previous ventures: computers and philanthropy, condom design may prove to be a greater challenge, sort of like: Can anyo...
Read full storyAngelina body lanuague spells 'Yuck!' on Africa trip with UK politician William Hague
Democratic Republic of Congo - UK Foreign Secretary William Hague has been accused of eating garlic sandwiches on his Congo trip with Hollywood actress Angelina Jolie. Standing close to Brad Pitt's missus in a TV interview Hague seemed oblivious t...
Read full storyDorking Village news letter
Edited by Lymington Spode. News: Mrs Hane from the Bacon Grinders Forum has been awarded "Sow of the year" yet again. Ardle Pitterfong has returned from the jungles of Borneo The interesting insect specimens he brought back with him are being removed at the hospital. Funeral Directors, Mardews of Dorking are offering a two for one special this month. Church Hall Events: March...
Read full storyStrangler gets 10 ears
A deaf drug addict who strangled five people got away with ten ears. Al Avago was notorious for strangling his victims with the wire cords from their own ear-phones. In his defence, Avago claimed that as he was trying to get the ear-phones out o...
Read full storyHamburger Says It No Longer Needs Helper
Hamburger today announced that it and its longtime collaborator Hamburger Helper have parted ways following a disagreement. "Not to sound arrogant, but I was the more important one," said Hamburger. "Helper would have been nothing without me." H...
Read full storyRay 'Alien Autopsy' Santilli to conduct Berezovsky postmortem
London - His 1995 documentary remains the X-files industry's benchmark statement on extraterrestrial carve-ups on a pathologist's examination table. This morning fans of Santilli's medical procedures demanded that he be put in charge of Boris Bere...
Read full storyFamous Supreme Court Cases
The Supreme Court will hear arguments for two potentially-landmark cases for gay marriage this week. Here's a look back at some of the pivotal decisions the Court has rendered on in its history. 1857: Perhaps the most criticized ruling of all-time, the court holds in Dred Scott v. Sandford that people of African descent are not actually human beings. Oddly, no black people were even involved in...
Read full storyHoney Boo Boo Visits A Petting Zoo
TARZANA - Alana Thompson better known as Honey Boo Boo star of the reality TV show, Here Comes Honey Boo Boo paid a visit to the world famous Tarzan & Jane Petting Zoo located in Tarzana, California. Alana was accompanied by her mother "Mama"...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan Laughs At The Law as She Parties, Parties, and Parties
SANTA MONICA - Apparently Lindsay Lohan is still the luckiest girl in the entire United States as she was seen partying at Santa Monica's Inebriated Hippo Lounge without a worry in the world. Never mind that she had just been sentenced to serve 90...
Read full storySouth Dakota May Have To Sell Mount Rushmore
KEYSTONE, South Dakota - A fact finding team comprised of three South Dakota state senators recently traveled to the Black Hills town of Keystone, South Dakota. They visited the Mount Rushmore National Memorial, site of the colossal presidential s...
Read full story"I've Always Liked Kevin Youkilis", says Insufferable, Blood-Sucking Yankee Fan.
Long Island, NY - " I have to admit it, I've always been a fan of Kevin Youkilis", remarked a disgusting, blood-sucking fan of the New York Yankees. Steve Wilmer, a 34-year-old tax attorney and blood sucking leech of a person, divulged the inform...
Read full storyDavid Ortiz Called Footsie Version of Typhoid Mary by Podiatrists
BOSTON- Flat feet have become an epidemic in Boston. Top medical experts in Boston have discovered a link in the rash of foot injuries in the town's sports figures. For months the news has been disheartening. David Ortiz, DH and superstar of the R...
Read full story