Famous Supreme Court Cases

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Monday, 25 March 2013


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The Supreme Court will hear arguments for two potentially-landmark cases for gay marriage this week. Here's a look back at some of the pivotal decisions the Court has rendered on in its history.

1857: Perhaps the most criticized ruling of all-time, the court holds in Dred Scott v. Sandford that people of African descent are not actually human beings. Oddly, no black people were even involved in the lawsuit.

1896: Plessy v. Ferugson holds that "Separate and Unashamedly Unequal" facilities for whites and blacks do not violate the Constitution.

1919: The Court famously holds that "The most stringent protection of free speech would not protect a man in falsely shouting 'fire!' in a theatre." In the dissent, Justice Clarke repeatedly yells "Fire!" at the top of his lungs for five minutes.

1962: Teacher-directed prayer in public schools is ruled unconstitutional, which your grandmother swears is when it all started going downhill.

1966: Miranda v. Arizona forces police to inform suspects of their rights prior to questioning. A guy got off for kidnapping and rape because of it, but, hey, you gotta take the long view.

1974: U.S. v. Nixon rules that the President is not immune from prosecution in a criminal trial. Overturned by Gerald Ford one month later.

2000: Bush v. Gore forces the end of the Florida recount, effectively awarding the election to George W. Bush. Thankfully, the Bush presidency is a resounding success.

2003: The Court rules homosexual acts between consenting adults cannot be restricted by law. The right to murder Furries, however, is upheld.

2008: In D.C. v. Heller, the Court acknowledges the Framers always intended for the Second Amendment to allow the mentally ill to carry assault rifles in schools.

2012: The Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act is upheld on the grounds that the Court wishes to destroy America and replace the Constitution withe the Quran.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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