Bill Gates Funding New Condom Design

Written by K.C. Bell

Monday, 25 March 2013

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Bill Gates is funding a new condom design to be better and more comfortable than the old design. While enormously successful with previous ventures: computers and philanthropy, condom design may prove to be a greater challenge, sort of like: Can anyone build a better mousetrap?

Answer? Sure.

Certainly, the design for the Eiffel Tower cannot be improved upon, nor that of Big Ben, but condoms, who knows, as there is no end to where the imagination may stretch to accomplish this task. With limitless money, Mr. Gates may be the correct person to pursue this venture.

While the world always welcomes innovation of any kind, the Gates children are reported to be scratching their heads in question: "Dad, what are you trying to say?" Or: "Couldn't you redesign a skate board or an easier hitch for a horse trailer?"

The name of Gates is a perfect name for a condom. Just as well Mayor Bloomberg of New York did not pursue this venture, as it could have been the wrong name and proven counter productive in a productive sort of way.

New designs for standard voting machines also require improvement. And voting machines should never be previously owned or leased by the son of any candidate. Was it Bat, Sat, Lat, Fat or Hat Romney that provided voting machines for Ohio?

Another necessary design grunting for creation is the carry-on luggage mechanism that can shoot luggage straight up into the overhead compartment without the: Will it or won't it? struggle. True, condoms and voting machines are necessary, but a conveyor belt that hooks onto the overhead and just rolls the carry-on up and into the sweet spot would be trilling. Thank you!

Kitty toilets that cats can flush would bring cat owners to their knees with gratitude. Forget using human toilets for kitties. The idea of training a cat to use a human toilet is frowned upon by cats.

So Mr. Gates has his future scrolled out for him: A better condom, voting machines, conveyor belts for carry on luggage to reach the overhead compartment, and flushing kitty toilets.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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