FBI reckons art heist is more 'Ship of Fools' than Rembrandt's 'Storm on the Sea of Galilee'
Boston - Federal agents investigating a $500 million international art heist from the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum are poised to bust a renegade ex-Mossad money laundering ring following a successful trip to Israel on the back of US Airforce One t...
Read full storyRon and Fred on Quantitative Easing
It's another afternoon at The Red Lion pub. Ron and Fred are already into their second pint at 'their' table. FRED: You gonna be in this evening at 'ome, Ron? RON: Yeah, avin a night in t'night I am. Why? FRED: My son's poppin' raand t' see me later so I'll get 'im t' drop your ladder back in 'is car. RON: No rush, mate. FRED: Well, I've finished the ceilin' and the walls ov me kitchen...
Read full storyEx-New England Patriots Player Ted Johnson Just Named The Most Hated Man In America
HOUSTON - Radio talk show host Ted Johnson has just shown everyone that he is nothing but a pompous creep after he made an extremely uncalled for remark on his radio show. Johnson, who once played for the New England Patriots, was asked which NFL...
Read full storyCarbon Beach billionaires braced for Wednesday's seismic Full Moon
Malibu, Ca - Multi-million dollar seafront mansions owned by Larry Ellison, David Geffen, Paul Allen and assorted small-time Russian money launderers on Malibu's famous Carbon Beach are on full seismic alert ahead of Wednesday's Libra Full Moon. A...
Read full storyAmanda Bynes Meant Drake Bell
In 'The Little Prince' the fox says "Words are a source of misunderstanding." Today Amanda Bynes has set the net on fire by tweeting "I want Drake @ Drake to murder my vagina." The Twittersphere thinks that Amanda Bynes is talking about the Jewish ra...
Read full storyKristen Stewart Says The Heidi Montag Lesbian Rumors Are Simply Rumors
MARINA DEL REY - Kristen Stewart said that she wants it known that she still cares a lot for Rob Pattinson even though he won't give her the time of the day. K-Stew made that remark to Glamboyant Magazine writer Voodoo Dupree. She stated that last...
Read full storyMichael Jordan Could Be Selling The Charlotte Bobcats To Charles Barkley
CHARLOTTE - The owner of the Charlotte Bobcats, Michael Jordan recently sat down with Sporting Chance Magazine's Sherwood Frisbee and talked about his team which is languishing in last place in the entire NBA. Jordan, who won six championship ring...
Read full storyKhloe Kardashian To Host The New Cable Show, The Waffle Wars
LOS ANGELES - Khloe Kardashian has been so depressed lately that her mother Kris Jenner has pulled some network strings and helped Khloe get her very own cable reality show. Khloe's husband Lamar Odom of the Los Angeles Clippers has said that sinc...
Read full storyChelsea Handler Talks About Christina Aguilera's Weight Loss
LA BREA - Talk show host Chelsea Handler was recently spotted in La Brea shopping for some garlic, fancy tire rims, and a pair of maracas. Handler sat down at a bus stop and talked with Vodka Vermicelli of iRumors. She was asked if it was true tha...
Read full storyGrandma banned from rugby club
A Gateshead grandmother has been given a life ban from her local rugby club, Wearside Werewolves. The 76-year-old prop-forward was shown the red card for going down on her opposing hooker during a tense game against local rivals Toon Tykes. For...
Read full storyEmergency service sirens set to change
Ambulances, fire engines and police cars are set for the biggest change to their sirens since the invention of the loud speaker, as all emergency vehicles will now be retrofitted to allow them to download new sirens. "Basically," said Emma Gantsy,...
Read full storyNorth Korea Plans Next Missile Launch as Fireworks Substitute
PYONGYANG, NORTH KOREA (Acme World News) -- Reliable sources confirm that North Korea plans a next missile launch. However, according to these anonymous sources, the missile launch is for a big unknown event around Pyongyang. It was also stated th...
Read full storyRocko's Perspective - What's the Fuss About "Did You Know?"
Lately, everyone here in the Acme Network is addicted to this Facebook page called "Did You Know?". It is full of unbelievable information that are hard to believe sometimes. Here are some facts and my perspectives about them: 1. The coins thrown into the Trevi fountain in Italy are collected for charity. Well, I wonder if some people secretly get those coins to ensure that they WON'T ret...
Read full storyNew York City Plans To Restrict Skateboarding To Between The Hours of 3 PM and 4 PM Only
NEW YORK CITY - New York City Mayor Bloomberg has struck again and this time he is focusing his concern on skateboarding and those individuals who skateboard. Reports are that the mayor is still very angry at the fact that his Big Gulp Law was str...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan Is Planning On Fleeing To Mexico
VENICE BEACH - Lindsay Lohan confessed to her hair stylist FuFi Fondue that she is not going to be couped up in a rehab clinic for no 90 days and she is seriously considering fleeing the U.S. and going down to Mexico. Lohan made a phone call to Be...
Read full storyAmerican Idol's Paul Jolley Sent Back To Tennessee
HOLLYWOOD - Five days ago the city of Palmersville, Tennessee gave Paul Jolley the key to the city and it's a good thing since PJ is the latest American Idol contestant to be sent home. When Paul first heard that he was in this week's Bottom 3, he...
Read full storyKim Kardashian and Kanye West's Relationship Hits The Shaky Stage
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - One of the most out there couples in Tinsel Town, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have hit a pretty good speed bump in their relationship. Taffeta Kixx with Hollywood's Gossipette Gazette reports that there is definitely some troub...
Read full storyBall Gags, Leather Paddles, Sex Toys, and Joe Jonas, King of Clean Gets Down and Dirty Video Style??
Rumors are circulating that there is a Jonas Brother sex tape on the horizon. In a bid to be relevant again Joe Jonas 23 and his girlfriend Blanda Eggenschwiler 28 had a trusted videographer friend shoot them engaged in sex acts. They then procee...
Read full storyAmerica Braces for, "The Lindsay Lohan Effect", Institutions Will Crumble. Entire Countries Collapse.
Television networks chain up the doors, Restaurants fail, photographers go on unemployment, body shops go out of business. Jewelry stays on shelves. A entire industry fails. What could possibly be behind all this chaos? Lindsay Lohan.
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