Carbon Beach billionaires braced for Wednesday's seismic Full Moon

Funny story written by queen mudder

Friday, 22 March 2013

image for Carbon Beach billionaires braced for Wednesday's seismic Full Moon
Beach lovelies strolling near Courtney Cox's/David Arquette's former beachside pad

Malibu, Ca - Multi-million dollar seafront mansions owned by Larry Ellison, David Geffen, Paul Allen and assorted small-time Russian money launderers on Malibu's famous Carbon Beach are on full seismic alert ahead of Wednesday's Libra Full Moon.

A San Andreas fault-related tidal surge threatens to swamp the billionaires' summer playground, triggered by the recurring astrological catastrophe known as the 'Storm' or 'Death' Moon.

Effects of the lunar opposition to the Aries Sun/Venus/Mars/Uranus conjunction could be particularly lethal to oceanfront real estate owned by a ragbag of tech, business and film bosses with a combined net worth in excess of $250 billion.

Commenting on the impending astrological disaster celeb LA tarot consultant Celeste La Magnolia said today her advice was behind former top clients Courtney Cox and David Arquette's decision to sell their own, $27.3 million beachfront luxury pile back in 2007.

"And that's just the tip of the iceberg," La Magnolia explained, "sure wish my other clients had taken my advice instead of sitting-ducking it, waiting for the inevitable disaster."

The solar/lunar aspect makes a harsh, 90-degree angle known as a square to the karmic planet Pluto in Capricorn - a notorious situation responsible for myriad disasters on planet Earth since the year dot.

Locals monitoring millions of tonnes of radioactive waste from the Fukushima nuclear disaster of 2011 that's still floating aimlessly off the Californian coast fear an earthquake-related gravitational pull might dump masses of toxic Japanese waste on the Malibu pleasure beach.

The lunation is due to peak around 1.30am local time.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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