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Papal and Cardinal Mafia - ]Hilltop Town, a Host to Popes for Centuries, Prepares for an Eminent Retiree
CASTEL GANDOLFO, Italy - This cramped hilltop town outside Rome is in its final preparations for the arrival on Thursday afternoon of an honored guest: Pope Benedict XVI, who will commence his new life as pope and chief molester emeritus. Italian...
Read full storyCarl Crawford Has Lost His Nerve
When the Los Angeles Dodgers bought the Brooklyn Bridge from the Boston Red Sox, some in Boston whooped with glee. In Showtime land where Cinderella stories and bad movies meet frequently, Carl Crawford may be the worst of both. The man signed...
Read full storySnooker Genius Finds Himself in Tibet
Snooker and Pool legend, Donnie O'Mulligan, is returning to the fierce world of competitive snooker. The world snooker and nine-ball pool champion says that he has completely changed. In an exclusive interview he told me, "I 'ave decided to stop a...
Read full storyQueen hospitalised with mourning sickness as beloved pooch dies
Windsor - She's feeling sick to the pit of her stomach as a fit of royal norovirus simplex, [swine flu to the proles] threatens to lay out HM much like Kate Middleton last year. The sight of poor little Poodsy Woodsy the Corgi impaled on an umbre...
Read full storyRafa Benitez in line for Chelsea March Manager of the Month
A solid - if at times unconvincing 1-0 win over West Bromwich Albion has given under fire Chelsea interim manager a superb start to March - and at the same time in line for the newly created 'Chelsea March Manager Of The Month Award' sponsored by the...
Read full storyPostal Service to Begin Delivering All Mail to Some Guy Named Steve
Just weeks after the financially struggling US Postal Service said it would have to cease Saturday mail delivery, postal officials now say they don't have the money to deliver the mail at all. "We're billions of dollars in the hole, and we just...
Read full storyPOTUS Live From The Rose Garden Via My Y-Phone
Sent From My Y-phone Washington, DC POTUS will momentarily begin speaking to assembled reporters here in the Rose Garden. POTUS is walking to the podium with the Nuclear Football. He opens it and takes out a big red push-button with an antenna sticking out of it and sets the red button on top of the podium. Is he Fkng crzy ? "Good afternoon everyone. Lester, that includes you too. I be...
Read full storyMicrosoft Retail Store Unable to Open
Two or three customers were disappointed this morning after a six-month old Microsoft retail store was unable to open for business. "There was a sign on the locked door that said, '0x74041161 Non-system Error'," said one customer, 24-year-old Ch...
Read full storyPresident Obama Uses Kenyan "Mind-Meld" To Thwart Opponents
Speaking out of both sides of his mouth, President Barack Obama insisted he would not force himself on anyone, saying he will not use a "Jedi mind-meld" to convince his enemies dat he be right. The president even seemed to hesitate on the word "me...
Read full storyKim Jong-un's harem is awseome says Dennis Rodman
Florida - "Those babes sure made me feel welcome," Rodman commented after his controversial North Korea trip, "even little redhead Ding-a-Ling who Tiger reckons goes like a rocket despite a Miss Pyongyang Sink Hole 2013 moniker, heheh...but then th...
Read full storyShock for Non Voters
A worrying trend for non voters emerged at the Eastleigh by election when 53% of the electorate voted. Out political correspondent tried to find a non voter representative but there appeared to be only one spokesman available. Jim Snout, a vetera...
Read full storyBy-election result 'a furious ball of nothing'
Voters in Eastleigh are today counting the cost at yet another hyped election that fizzled into a complete let-down. Political pundits have reflected that this one initially promised so much colour, then failed to deliver. There were several joke...
Read full storyIn A Shocking Revelation - Elin Nordegren Agrees To Remarry Tiger Woods
JUPITER, Florida - In a move that caught each one of Tiger Wood's ex-Golf Gate gals by surprise, the word on the streets of Jupiter is that Tiger and ex-wife Elin will soon be hearing wedding bells. Tiger, 37, spoke with Rufus Reno of Sports Balls...
Read full storyOJ Simpson Caught Trying To Dig His Way Out of Prison
LOVELOCK, Nevada - The warden at The Lovelock Correctional Center is reportedly quite upset at the fact that one of his most noted inmates, O.J. Simpson, tried to actually break out of his prison. Left Coast Mirror Magazine is reporting that Simps...
Read full storyEllen DeGeneres Begs Wife Portia Not To Leave Her
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Mrs. Ellen DeGeneres AKA Portia DeRossi-DeGeneres has reportedly confessed that she is fed up with Ellen's incessant flirting. Portia, who at 40, is 15 years younger than husband Ellen, told her hair stylist FuFi Fondue that it i...
Read full storyAmericans Unite On Social Media, Fire the Entire US Government.
In a unheard of show of solidarity the entire American population got together and decided to fire the US Government for inept performance and incompetent representation. One group started a blog called, US Politicians are Self Serving, Entitled,...
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