Queen sickens at news of royal bedroom tax
London - "I thought it's just the bloody plebs that you're charging," a livid HM said to David Cameron as the full impact of the government's bedroom tax took hold. "Gawd knows where Philip will now keep his hand-held bazookas, the spare room's al...
Read full storyNostradamus Forgot to Give the Red Sox a Quatrain
FORT MYERS- Red Sox fans had better prepare for extreme disappointment this upcoming season. We cannot even provide a few pathetic rhymes for this peek into the future, though we looked deeply into our dog-earred copy of the prophecies of Nostrad...
Read full storyKim Jong Un Sporting New Tattoo
BILLINGSGATE POST - Newly released photos from the PYONGYANG MUSHROOM CLOUD show North Korea dictator, Kim Jung Un sporting a tattoo of a chicken's butt directly below his nose. After the recent visit to the Hermit Kingdom by Secretary of Dysfunct...
Read full storySimon Cowell being brought in to help find new Pope
In a shock announcement by the Vatican today, it has been confirmed that Simon Cowell, the mastermind behind popular talent shows such as "Britain's Got Morons" and "£X-Factor" is being drafted in to bring some life to the process for choosing a new...
Read full storyUK universities face threat from on-line curses
Middle-ranking universities face extinction within the next decade, according to a leading soothsayer. Claire Voyunt, chief oracle, warned that even posh universities could struggle to survive if big cursers start venting their anger with vitrioli...
Read full storyNASCAR's Danica Patrick Finishes in 33rd Place
LAS VEGAS - So far 2013, has not been a very good year for NASCAR'S premier female race car driver, Danica Patrick. The 30-year-old has seen an end to her marriage due to the dreaded seven year itch. Plus she has been romantically linked to Da...
Read full storyThe Charlotte Bobcats May Move To Boise, Idaho
CHARLOTTE - The Charlotte Bobcats own the worst record in the entire NBA and are currently on a ten game losing streak. Michael Jordan, owner of the Bobcats, said that he is positively livid at his team's 13-50 record. He remarked that attendan...
Read full storyAirport-style security scanners will search Cardinals for pagan implants, satanic tattoos etc
Rome - A light frisking under the cassock was all that was needed in 2005 when the church's princes lined up their credentials to elect a new Pope under Olden Day rules. On Tuesday the Vatican's new get-tough policy on wackos and weirdos kicks int...
Read full storyBloomberg Bids To Become The Second Jewish Pope
The Vatican -- New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg is moving to complete a deal that would make him the second Jewish Pontiff of the Roman Catholic Church. "St. Peter was Jewish and he turned out to be the indestructible rock God chose to head his ch...
Read full storyCharles Barkley Disses The Lakers
ATLANTA - Charles Barkley has been known to put his foot in his mouth more times than Sarah Palin, Paul Ryan, John Boehner, and the San Francisco 49ers all put together. But his latest venomous rant has the Los Angeles Laker fans fuming. Barkley w...
Read full storyCelebrity Apprentice: Another Rock Star Gets Fired By Donald Trump
MANHATTAN - Donald Trump, host of All-Star Celebrity Apprentice has just sent home a second rock star as Twisted Sister frontman Dee Snider was shown the board room door. Snider followed on the heels of Bret Michaels of the band Poison who was eli...
Read full storyLetters To iRumors (Swift, Lohan, & Bachmann)
The following are letters that were written to the editor of the Los Angeles-based iRumors News Agency, Bacardi Cheyenne. Not one word has been deleted, omitted, changed, altered, amended, or otherwise modified. Dear iRumors - My wife of 17 years Violetta and I are wondering why it is that Taylor Swift only seems to ever write songs about her ex-boyfriends. Tucker Dryflame Kalamazoo, Michi...
Read full storyBritney Spears Responds To The Promiscuously Lewd Pix
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Britney was jogging out by the famed Hollywood sign when she was approached by a member of the entertainment media. She was asked by Tequila Tallyho with Left Coast Mirror Magazine about the recent erotic photos that appeared on...
Read full storyWorld Baseball Classic: Canada Wins The Game With Mexico - The Brawl Ends In A Tie
GOODYEAR, Arizona - The World Baseball Classic game between Canada and Mexico went from a baseball game to a hockey game in the ninth inning. Canada won the game 10-3, but the full-scale free-for-all on the field ended in a tie. The bench empty...
Read full storyBarbara Walters Explains Why Elisabeth Hasselbeck Is Being Let Go
LOS ANGELES - In a move that many figured was coming sooner or later, the GOP mouthpiece on The View, Elisabeth Hasselbeck is being shown the door. Barbara Walters stated that contrary to what FOX News is reporting Hasselbeck, 35, is not being fir...
Read full storyScarlett Johansson in Norway
Scarlett Johansson was fired while working as a substitute teacher in Norway after letting several small boys taste her blood in the class room, News of the World reports. According to the wire service, as many as a dozen boys attending kindergar...
Read full storyMovie Fans Plead With Producers Not to Make Anymore "Meet the Fockers" Sequels
After suffering through Meet the Parents, Meet the Fockers and Little Fockers, thousands of desperate movie fans are begging the producers not to make any more sequels. "For the love of God, I can't take anymore--please!" pleaded theatergoer Chaz...
Read full story