Nostradamus Forgot to Give the Red Sox a Quatrain

Funny story written by Ossurworld

Monday, 11 March 2013

FORT MYERS- Red Sox fans had better prepare for extreme disappointment this upcoming season.

We cannot even provide a few pathetic rhymes for this peek into the future, though we looked deeply into our dog-earred copy of the prophecies of Nostradamus.

The powers that be have now rolled the dice on their cockamamie Pollyanna attitudes, and the rest as they say will be skirting disaster.

Let us count the ways the Sox have thrown fans off the bridge for the year-to-come.

The ownership invested millions in David Ortiz whose career may be at a crossroads between an Achilles heel and plantar fasciitis.

The powerful limited partnership decided to keep Jacoby Ellsbury one more year before he bails and leaves them with the taste of ashes. Yet, Ellsbury is notoriously fragile, sort of like one of the glass menagerie. Look for a broken unicorn around midseason.

The front office re-enlisted John Lackey for another season when all his cohorts were sent packing for their bad attitudes. The Sox have apparently given him a magic elixir to alter his personality. A magic bullet might have been a better choice.

Money was no object this season, except when it came to signing a big star. The Sox spent star money on character actors like Johnny Gomes and Shane Victorino. They may pan out, or they may just be panned.

The Sox signed J.D. Drew's younger brother, Stephen, hoping he is more like Sherlock and less like Mycroft.

And Mike Napoli will do his best Dick Stuart imitation. The Sox kept Alfredo Aceves on the roster because someone likes to see "Satan in his eyes."

As if adding insult to injury were merely icing on the cake, the heralded prospect Jose Iglesias was hung out to dry after putting all the wet laundry in his basket last season.

The team put all its razz-matazz into Will Middlebrooks, whose wrists are about as thin in strength as a #2 pencil, and they predict a home run rampage on the order of Gary Geiger.

This spring is in full bloom, and the smell of victory may be cross-pollinated with the agony of defeat. The Red Sox will be on a voyage to where no man may return.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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