Middle-ranking universities face extinction within the next decade, according to a leading soothsayer.
Claire Voyunt, chief oracle, warned that even posh universities could struggle to survive if big cursers start venting their anger with vitriolic curses and ribald admonitions.
Academics in IT departments have already noticed problems with cursors. University chiefs have been advised to equip themselves with anti-curse perimeter fences around their IT centres.
In recent years, cursers have been using the internet to issue on-line curses. "It saves us getting all dressed up, going out, and shouting and pointing at the front entrance," said Arker Sonyu, a front-line anti-mediocrity witch.
The biggest threat comes from massive open on-line curses (or MOOCs). Complacency over the next decade could be fatal as MOOCs become more frequent.
There are serious threats to universities that are timid - especially red-brick universities. Cursers can get really angry when they see red.