Obama names Jim Carrey to head FBI
Washington DC - "Fiercely independent and with loads of, uh, intergritty," is how White House aides described the Presidential pick to replace Robert Mueller as FBI chief. "Of course it means his Kick-Ass 2 role as Colonel Stars and Stripes may ha...
Read full storyA Modest Proposal by the GOP
(Modelled after that brilliant proposal of a former era by Dr. Jonathan Swift.) The Husbandry Bill having gone down in Flames in the House of Representatives because it apportioned too much nutrition to the poor of this Great Country, We, the Republican members of this August Body, do hereby put forth a A Modest Proposal For Preventing the Poor People in the United States, from Being a...
Read full storyThe Ten O'Clock Fuckin' News
Some people these days seem to have great difficulty speaking without using the "f" word all the time. They seem to think it's cool or makes them look hard rather than it being a complete waste of the excellent English language but I've re-written the news so that one of them can be the BBC newscaster just for once. Good fuckin' evening.This is the Ten o'clock fuckin' news For folks who can't...
Read full storySparks and Mensa launch Adjustable Height Heels
Sparks and Mensa, the high street department store used by people with more brains than cash, has developed the latest must have trend for women: adjustable height heels. "We've all been there," said product designer Frank Boshell. "Sometimes we n...
Read full storyWant to know your personality? There's an app for that!
In the bad old days of psychotherapy, the therapist would feel the skull and determine a personality from the various bumps and ridges over the cranium. "The theory," said Mac Buck, editor of App World! magazine, "is that the brain's various cont...
Read full storyAndy Roddick turns down $1 million Wimbledon TV commentator post
Lake Austin, Texas - "Andy just has too many balls up in the air right now," a PR for the Andy Roddick Foundation revealed, "to sweat it out in a cramped commentators' box for two whole weeks alongside shock-jocks Boris Becker, John McEnroe and Tim H...
Read full storyPaula Deen Blows Off Today Show Interview To Drink Malt Liquor and Apply For Food Stamps
Fresh from admitting that she routinely referred to African-Americans as "n-words", Food Network Fry-cook Paula Deen acted like one this morning when the celebrity porker completely blew off a Today Show interview-- and the show's all-white cast is...
Read full storyBritney Spears Confesses A Secret Crush and An Intimate Tattoo
VENICE BEACH - Britney Spears paid a visit to the world famous Bong Bong Tattoo Parlor. She spoke with the owner Bong Bong and asked about getting a certain tattoo, removed from the most intimate part of her entire body. Bong Bong smiled and to...
Read full storyA Very Pregnant Jessica Simpson Reveals Her Amazing Cravings
LOS ANGELES - Jessica Simpson says that she has just about gotten used to being habitually pregnant. She told Celebrity Globe's Pia Confetti that she doesn't know how OctoMom AKA Nadya Suleman could possibly have had 14 kids. Simpson, who is 32...
Read full storyNevada Bans Chewing Gum
CARSON CITY, Nevada - The Nevada State Senate acting on a request of the vast majority of the Las Vegas Gambling casinos has just voted on a bill regarding the chewing of chewing gum. State Senator Hula Hanna Dimpsydew, 46, [D-Reno] stated that th...
Read full storyCharlie Sheen Admits He'd Like To Do The Hokey Pokey With Katie Holmes
SHERMAN OAKS - Charlie Sheen recently told Larry King on The Viagra View that he has probably been with more women than Hugh Hefner himself. King smiled, took a sip from his bottle of Geritol, and replied that he has no doubt about that. He ask...
Read full storyKathie Lee Gifford Denies She's Pregnant With Regis Philbin's Twins
NEW YORK CITY - Kathie Lee Gifford has admitted that she still has a special place in her heart for her former Live With Regis & Kathie Lee host Regis Philbin. But the 59-year-old wife of ex-New York Giants player and NFL commentator Frank Gif...
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