Obama Will Use Executive Orders To Outlaw Guns
Washington, DC - Vice President Joseph R. Biden vowed action from President Obama on gun confiscation on Wednesday and floated the idea that Mr. Obama could use executive orders to do so. "This president is going to act," Mr. Biden said, speaking...
Read full storyBird therapist blasts free range chicken farms - "Chickens need structure," expert says
Free range chickens have more severe behavioral problems than birds that are subject to strict rules and guidelines, says acclaimed poultry therapist and chicken hypnotist Topaz Corpel-Klotz. "What I'm saying might surprise people, but I see the p...
Read full storyArea Man Proves Doubters, Critics Right
NEW YORK, NY--When Jerry Elmswick dropped out of college in 1996 to start his own travel agency, he faced a rapid barrage of criticism and disapproval from his friends and family. 17 years later, Elmswick can finally stand up and tell all of his doub...
Read full storyGrim Reaper: "Oprah's book club changed my life"
"I just can't do the whole gloom and dome thing anymore." That was the message the Grim Reaper passed along to reporters today at a well-attended news conference. "You know, after reading A New Earth-Awakening by Eckhart Tolle, which is on Opra...
Read full storyBuck-Toothed Man Unable to Remove Turtleneck Shirt
Despite gallant efforts, firefighters were unable to remove a tight turtleneck shirt worn by a local man because of his oversized front teeth. 34-year old Skeech Burlingame said he tried the shirt on at a nearby clothing store but when he tried...
Read full storyLocal man recognizes his neighbor in Body Worlds exhibit
Imagine Arlo DeFennemeyer's surprise when, during a visit to the Body Worlds show at the Expo Center last weekend, one of the exhibits turned out to be his former neighbor. "Yep, that's Bob alright. He had a small head and big feet-I'd recogniz...
Read full storyPet goat to stand in for Hugo Chavez inauguration
Caracas - A myotonic - or 'fainting' - goat that once featured in George W Bush's My Pet Goat moment during the 9/11 attack on the Twin Towers is the prime contender to take the Venezuelan president's oath of orifice tomorrow. The proxy arrangemen...
Read full storyApple's new iHad will enable users to list stuff they had before recession
The Apple iHad hasn't even reached the marketplace yet and analysts are already saying that it could be the Cupertino company's biggest hit yet. "It's certainly right for the times," commented tech blogger Luna Moon Spumacher, who added, "And at jus...
Read full storyCongress to Star in a Super Bowl Commercial
Hollywood - Faced with the lowest approval rating in the history of approval ratings, the United States Congress plans to promote itself with a television ad produced specifically to run during the Super Bowl. "Everybody keeps making fun of us," c...
Read full storyCelebrities rush to defend "bird brain" Tess Daly after Buerk attack
Days after Michael Buerk slammed the BBC's Jubilee coverage, celebrities have come to the defence of Tess Daly, whom Buerk described as a "pneumatic bird brain". The Pineapple Dance Studio narrator singled out the Strictly Come Dancing presenter...
Read full storyBritain's Nuclear deterrent, in the safe hands of naval ratings, "drunk out of their minds"!
HMS Astute, Southampton: Police investigations, carried out by the Hampshire Constabulary have found out that the consumption of 20 pints of cider was not unsual for naval ratings and "significant" numbers of the crew used to get "drunk out of their...
Read full storyParis Hilton Talks About Her Nude Calendar
BEVERLY HILLS - Paris Hilton was in the Haven of Hair Salon getting her split ends taken care of. As she sat in her chair she noticed that there was a copy of her brand new 2013 Paris Hilton Nude Calendar sitting on top of a Cosmopolitan Magazine.
Read full storyU.S. Mint to Strike Platinum One Trillion Dollar Coin
Washington, DC The United States Treasury Department has ordered the United States Mint to strike a One Trillion Dollar coin made of platinum (plated). The coin or coins will be used to repay loans issued by the Federal Reserve Banks and the Banks o...
Read full storyMelo Anthony Told He is Too Tall To Be a Footman on Downton Abbey
We have learned what Kevin Garnett said to Carmelo Anthony that Mr. Anthony contends should never be said from one man to another. Melo, as he often is called in terms of endearment, found that Kevin Garnett had many unpleasant nicknames beyond Me...
Read full storyA List of Celebrities Who Have Already Broken Their 2013 New Year's Resolutions
Noted author Edgar Allan Poe once said that rules are made to be broken. And he should know since he had a history of breaking all kinds of rules, regulations, guidelines, and basic metaphorical musings. Poe, whose real name was Bernardo Chang Poetic, once told a reporter with the Milwaukee Morning Mentioner, that he loved the word photosynthesis, and he tried to incorporate it into everything...
Read full storyMonica Lewinsky Talks About Pregnancy
REDONDO BEACH, California - The most famous White House intern in history, Monica Lewinsky, was recently spotted at a Pompous Pizza Parlor in Redondo Beach enjoying a pizza that had been run through the garden. Lewinsky, 39, was accompanied by a l...
Read full storyEfficiency experts says "objects in mirror are closer than they appear" is unacceptable - calls for more products to be made in the U.S.
According to Riley Cleffner, the message printed on most vehicle mirrors is a perfect example of why America should build more products right here at home. "This mirror was built overseas and it's garbage. Objects should not be closer than they...
Read full storyPopularity of chicken wings results in glut of wingless chicken bodies
The U.S. Department of Agriculture reports that the country is awash in wingless chicken bodies. "Everybody loves chicken wings, but they forget we have to do something with the rest of the chicken," said USDA spokesperson Wendeee Calpido.
Read full storyEntire state of Oregon flees in the middle of the night
The entire state of Oregon fled sometime early yesterday morning, leaving behind 98,000 square miles of dirt, an old Subaru, and a note that explained, "It's not that we dislike California, but it's like having a neighbor who has way too many people...
Read full storyPastor Calls 911 To Help Him Out Of Handcuffs And A Ball Gag
911 operators were surprised and a bit shocked when a caller requested help from a situation he'd gotten himself into. The 911 operator answered the call: 911 Operator Can I help you Caller (In a muffled voice) I'm stuck in handcuffs and I can't get out 911 Operator I'm sorry I couldn't understand what you said, could you repeat yourself. Caller (In a muffled voice) I'm stuck i...
Read full storyNimby Removed from the Endangered Species List
Washington DC: The US Fish and Wildlife Service (USFWS) has removed the North American Blue Tailed Nimby from the Endangered Species List (ESL). A spokesperson for the USFWS indicated that removing the Nimby from the ESL was predicated on an unex...
Read full storyAn Answer At Last To The Gun Control Problem- Americans Now Buying Chinese Guns
Are Chinese guns the answer to Americas eternal firearm problem? Out of the most unseemly of circumstances a solution has come to solve the problems of American gun control, the overbearing political adventures of the NRA and the high cost of ammu...
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