Barry Obama Notebook Found At College Back Room
One of these days I hope to be President of some club or something because I feel kind of 'presidential' every time my friends and I go out and smoke some and play some golf. This year I decorated my tree in blue and white lights with a Star of Da...
Read full story"Crystal Methodist" Flowers shares crack Toronto business plan with Mayor
Crystal Methodist preacher Peter Flowers has offered to jobshare Mayor Rob Ford Hubcaps's charity duties. Flowers has offered to act as wanking consultant to a number of business companies run as charitable trusts in a crack Canadian enterprise plan.
Read full storyTop Ten Signs You May Be In Love With Betty White
Following are sure signs that you might have fallen in love with Betty White, so check close: 1. At work after the boiler explodes and you wake up outside the building on a tree limb, the first thing you say is, "Forget about me, go check on Betty White." 2. You watch all the reruns of the Golden Girls and The Mary Tyler Moore Show to see if Betty White was on that episode. 3. On one r...
Read full storyAmerica, Love It or Leave It says Milton Freeman
New York - The jobless rate in the U.S. has dipped to a five year low on steady gains. Employers hired at least 200,000 workers in the last four months. President Obama, upon hearing the news, said he was "ecstatic" and that the economy was "stup...
Read full storyTV Newscasters Roughed Up By Cops in Mob Scene
Dallas Tx. - A 13-year-old white girl traveling with her two dance instructors was handcuffed and taken by police to Child Protective Services, over the pleas of the two black male guardians she was traveling with. Landry Smith traveled with the b...
Read full storyUncensored Cartoons Mistakenly Showed on Kid's Channel
A glitch of some kind hit 'The Kid's Channel' early this morning and was not pulled or corrected for some time, due to so many employees trapped in the bad weather. "I didn't know what was going on but I'm very sleepy in the morning and the kids w...
Read full storyMounties to stop smoking joints on duty
A Royal Canadian Mounted Police officer with a medical marijuana prescription should be able to smoke the drug while in uniform, says the Mayor of Tahomina but the RCMP says he can't smoke marijuana while in red serge or while wearing his regular wor...
Read full storySalford man in hiding after admitting "I never met Mandela"
A Salford man is currently receiving specialist counselling after voluntarily admitting "I never met Mandela". Police are asking for others in a similar position to come forward for their own protection, and so that they can be offered appropriate su...
Read full storyGroup D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, DEATH!!
Costa do Sauipe, BRAZIL: FIFA 2014 WORLD CUP DRAW: Sir Geoff Hurst drew England into Group D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, DEATH!! and officially Greg Dyke, Chairman of the FA, responded by drawing a finger across his throat, to signify Group D, D, D,...
Read full storySpirit "pick me up" recommended by George Osborne
The Pioneer Spirit recommended by George Osborne was probably gin, House of Commons sobriety chief, Charles Kunnidy said this morning. Pioneer Spirit is the latest feel good phrase being bandied about by the Tory spin doctors. But Hogarth's grap...
Read full storyPresident Obama Suggests Renaming The Home of The Washington Redskins Nelson Mandela Stadium
WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Obama met with two of his closest advisers and they have decided to talk to the owner of the Washington Redskins about renaming their stadium in honor of Nelson Mandela. The president has sent Redskins owner Danny Snyd...
Read full storyPresident George W. Bush Scoffs At The Gay Rumors Regarding Him and President Vladimir Putin
NEW YORK CITY - Former President George "WMD" Bush was in the Big Apple to appear with Regis Philbin and Larry King on their talk show The Viagra View. During the show he was asked by Regis why he had lied about there being weapons of mass destruc...
Read full storyRussell Brand Says He'd Like To Have A Go At Pamela Anderson
LOS ANGELES - Russell Brand has commented that he recently heard about Pamela Anderson and her financial woes. Brand who fancies himself to be a lady's man told Ling Chow Rangoon with iRumors that he finds Pamela Anderson to be a right sultry woma...
Read full storyNina Dobrev Nixes Ian Somerhalder's Idea of Matching Intimate Tattoos
WEST HOLLYWOOD - Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder of The Vampire Diaries were recently spotted together at The Tipsy Tadpole Lounge in West Hollywood. The two were acting like lovebirds as Nina hand-fed Ian cashew nuts while he rubbed his left hand...
Read full storyDairy Queen Adding A Beer Blizzard For Its Adult Customers
EDINA, Minnesota - Dairy Queen was founded in 1940, and in all that time it has seen its share of improvements that helped to boost its customer numbers. DQ has 6,000 restaurants throughout the world with many more in the planning stages. A corpor...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Agrees To Perform A Concert In North Korea
LOS ANGELES - Representatives for Miley Cyrus have confirmed that the singer will be performing a concert in Pyongyang, North Korea in honor of President Kim Jong Un. The exact date has not yet been finalized but North Korea's Rice Paddy News Agen...
Read full storyDelaware Seeks To Ban Homeless People
DOVER, Delaware - Senator Preston Wybinski [R-Dover] has just become one of the state's most hated individuals. The senator introduced a bill that would ban any homeless people from residing within the state. The senator was asked by American S...
Read full storyJustin Bieber Wants To Join Next Season's Dancing With The Stars
HOLLYWOOD - Many celebrities from yesteryear have gotten a boost to their careers by appearing on Dancing With The Stars and Justin Bieber is just smart enough to realize that fact. Bieber knows that his career has been spiraling downward at a spe...
Read full storyDoes Taylor Swift Have Any Tattoos?
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Vice-President Joe Biden recently said at a White House state dinner honoring the president of Guatemala, Pancho Ensalada that it is getting harder and harder for the youth of America to find nice, good, wholesome role models. H...
Read full storyEnormous Fracking Spaceship to Set Sail for the Open Blue of Uranus Next Sunday
CAPE CANAVERAL, Fla. - NASA, BP, Big Bob's Cheeseburgers, Jack Daniels, Coca-Cola, and Exxon have teamed up to send a sophisticated fracking operative to venture to Uranus. With any luck, the colossal spaceship holding fracking equipment and a full c...
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