"What we did" guide to our first family nudist holiday
Sunday: Had breakfast with myself as the only practicing nudist. My wife and kids clearly thought it was an elaborate joke. My daughter wouldn't come out of her room. I played along with the "its a joke" routine until the taxi turned up to take us to the train station. Arriving at "The Shrivelled Husk" hotel in Huddersfield, we were met by a naked receptionist pervert. We went to the changing...
Read full storyHockey player suspended for having too many teeth
Cold part, Canada - Starting defenseman Larry McMurphy was suspended 2 games for his repeated violation of NHL dress code. According to section 3.41.2 "No player, in accordance with hockey tradition, shall have a complete set of front teeth." His sus...
Read full storyMan loses/leaves wife in drawers for five years
The world finally learned today of a man who had misplaced his wife, Irene Bumblekiss, in the Liverpool address of one of his previous residences. After being questioned this morning the man said he'd completely forgotten about her and couldn't ev...
Read full storyApple Creates New Jobs
Technofiles rejoice! Apple have unveiled the latest addition to their ever expanding army of sense assaulting machines. 5S-teve! Included with this release will be a free download of IOS Jobs. The update comes with ruthless business acumen, foldi...
Read full storyLandslip reveals remains of Nazi concentration camp under Buckingham Palace
London, UK - A bloody great big swastika-shaped hole has appeared slap bang in the middle of the Buckingham Palace lawn following a torrential deluge last night. Courtiers reported that at around a quarter to nine on Sunday an immensely creepy suc...
Read full storyGirl carried off into space amid fears for lost balloon
Worried parents and performing clowns have been seated watching news24 for the last 72 hours, biting eyebrows and clipping unwanted chattering teeth after somegirl, someplace, it was Alice but not their Alcie disspersed into the winds surrounding her...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus To Star In Adult Films
LOS ANGELES, CA - Steven Hershey Hiwae, CEO of the world's largest adult film company, Foxy Entertainment LLC, announced today that Miley Cyrus has signed to appear in 17 new adult films, direct 37 and produce 4. After Ms. Cyrus's performance at M...
Read full storyWind causes massive structural damage to everything in the world!
Following last week's barometer breaking wind speeds, officials from someplace have announced plans to erect new wind breakers at several key locations around the United Kingdoom. Many unsavouries, previously thought upon as being especially savo...
Read full storyTed Cruz, Wealthy Oppose Min. Wage Hike
The current federal minimum wage in the U.S. is $7.25 an hour, full time pay less than $15,000 a year, way below the poverty level. Current proposals before congress would raise the floor to $10.10 an hour. This would leave a full-time employee still far below the poverty line but would be helpful. There is now widespread public support to raise the minimum wage. That is largely attribute...
Read full storyWhat's on Al Qaeda's List?
Receipts discovered at terrorists' hideout reveal their purchases for the next stop and what they may be up to next. CIA and other top secret organizations have tried to keep the list quiet because it might make itself look bad with all the money we have spent to get it: 150 pair of long underwear made in Cambodia. 200 pairs of pants from L.L. Bean. 100 Pairs of boots from Russian winter c...
Read full storyThe NSA is Divided on the Issue of Massive Surveillance
Kitchen, Global--Since the disclosures of National Security Agency's surveillance on American people and the world had sparked world outcry about the NSA's privacy intrusions, two factions have emerged inside the NSA-those that oppose the mass survei...
Read full storyScientist Proves You Can Say Shit With A Mouthful
On ABC's Good Morning America this morning, an American scientist showed that the whole scientific community was wrong with their belief. Dr. Andy Raddatz from a Superior Wisconsin Think Tank appeared as a guest and told the viewers that some old...
Read full storySen. Ted Cruz Renounces Citizenship
Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) said he is now taking steps to officially renounce his Canadian citizenship. The candidate for the Republican Party nomination for the Presidency in 2016 was born in Calgary, Alberta to an American mother. One is ineligible...
Read full storyChewing Gum: The New Pavement Protector
Special to TPN - Constance Masticar, of the International Chewing Gum association, released data that offered hope for the world's deteriorating infrastructure: "Chewing gum has been building up on the world's paved surfaces since it was first used 9...
Read full storyObama's TV Picks for 2014: Edgy, Realistic Shows
Amidst all of the drama in the Oval Office surrounding such events as the terrible rollout of Obamacare and personally choosing drone targets, President Obama seeks to relax by watching his favorite TV shows. By his own accounts the President is...
Read full storyTeenagers murder Facebook!
Global teenagers are turning their backs on social network giant, Facebook, because their mums and dads are on their too! A global, cyber exodus of unhappy, twittering teenagers has forced Facebook to block millions of mums, dads, grandma's, grand...
Read full storyLady Gaga Sued in New York City, Japan!
Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta, better known as Lady Gaga is being sued in a New York Court by several of her former fans because of her outfits that she wore when they went to see her perform. Although she told reporters that the whole thing...
Read full storyBianca Jagger's DNA writ large all over Rafael Correa and Steven Donziger genomes
New York - Two high profile crooks involved in Ecuador's shakedown of US super major Chevron have Nicaraguan-born human frights activist, sometime Rolling Stones groupie and star of their 1972 documentary Cocksucker Booze - uh, Blues! - Bianca Pérez-...
Read full story"What we did" Accidental holiday in Scunthorpe
Sunday: My car broke down after picking up an Ebay won second hand Tivo from an address on the outskirts of Scunthorpe. Towed to the garage, I was told it would be one week before the mechanic could get the parts and fix it. Booking into a contractors "hotel" I settled down for the night into the common 12 bed dormitory. Anticipating being unable to sleep from the snorers, wind breakers an...
Read full storyPeople were less festive this year
As Twelfth Night approaches, less people are taking down exterior lights and Christmas decorations than for any year previously, since the invention of exterior lights and Christmas decorations. "My neighbour always had a magnificent display," sai...
Read full storyLife Without Youth
When health or wealth is threatened, we get fearful just like a fish in a tank after hearing a sudden knock on the container. This reaction is called fear. Fear, in most living things, is said to be basic or innate. A sudden change of environment such as light, sound etc causes fear in us. Additionally, we have a tendency to be afraid of the unknown. Naturally, the econ-political changes of the pr...
Read full storyLocal colleges open for crash Wassailing courses
Theresa May has ordered all Christmas and New Year immigrants to attend wassailing lessons so they can "fit in" with the newly discovered post Thatcher communities. According to the Oxford English Dictionary "waes hael" is the Middle English (and...
Read full storyThe Saints Go Marching Into The Playoffs As New Orleans Soundly Defeats The Tampa Bay Buccaneers 42-17
NEW ORLEANS - The weather inside The Mercedes-Benz Superdome was perfect and so was the outcome of the game as the hometown Saints marched their way into the NFL playoffs. The Saints beat the Tampa Bay Buccaneers 42-17 and will now play the Philad...
Read full storyAaron Rodgers Returns And Leads The Green Bay Packers Past The Chicago Bears And Into The NFL Playoffs
CHICAGO - Quarterback Aaron Rodgers returned to the Green Bay Packers after missing 8 games due to a broken clavicle as well as a bruised right ear lobe. Green Bay's #12 managed to lead his team into the NFL playoffs by defeating the Chicago Bears...
Read full storyUnemployed Maoists Go To Christian Youth Camp
China voted on Saturday to abolish a penal system which allows police to imprison citizens for up to four years with no reason. The camps in 2013 are simply outmoded. Prisoners have been forced to memorize lengthy passages from Das Kapital and T...
Read full story