Economists Polled Say Things Are Looking Up
It appears that banks who borrowed cheaply can actually park their cheaply borrowed dollars at the Fed--after they bought up the bonds sold by the Treasury. Companies who borrowed from the banks in the form of "lines of credit" can turn around an...
Read full storySuper Bowl to be played without helmets
New York - Unleashing a last-minute rule change that is certain to spark controversy, the National Football League has banned the use of helmets in the upcoming Super Bowl. "The NFL wants Super Bowl XLVIII to be the safest championship game ever...
Read full story2016 Summer Olympics in Rio Bans Horse Meat Diet
Competitors in the 2016 Summer Olympics in Rio, Brazil will have to go through more tests than any event to date. "We do not want there to be any cheating here", says Spokesman Fabio Guaray. "If you plan to cheat, stay home. You will embarrass you...
Read full storyDrunkards Weighing In On 'Duck Dynasty' Debacle
SARASOTA, FL - From his cardboard box at the corner of Lemon St. & Main., homeless drunkard Carlton Pennyfeather III(esquire) voiced his concerns regarding statements made earlier this week by 'Duck Dynasty' star Phil Robertson. "I mean who...
Read full storyA Return To 'Twas The Night Before Christmas'
Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house not a creature was stirring we were all totally soused. The stockings were hung by the chimney with care with the kids still in them so they'd be out of our hair. They were stuffing candies into their heads as visions of cavities filled us with dread. Momma and I settled down for a long winter's nap right after a run to the bat...
Read full storyNew blow for Detroit bankruptcy as City's $1billion art collection branded 'mostly fake'
Detroit, Michigan - A last ditch rescue bid to save Detroit from skid row this weekend has gone down the pan following assessments by international experts of its 2,800-strong collection of paintings, sculptures, pottery pieces and other precious ar...
Read full storyChinese Moon Rover finds God's control centre on moon
Worried Chinese Chief Minister, Dim Sum has phoned world leaders about an "X-Box" type control console found by the Jade Rabbit Rover in a transparent building on the moon. One huge button has a safety cover on it with a Do Not Press sign on it.
Read full storyJustin Bieber's Mom Weds Accountant From Church Of England
LAS VEGAS, Nevada - In a secret ceremony, under the gaze of a plastic Elvis bust, Justin Bieber's mom, Pattie, 37, wed Niles Dibly, 56, an accountant who works in London for the Church of England. "Well I was travelling alone, taking in the sight...
Read full storyMichelle Not Talking To The President
Michelle Obama is not talking to the President or to us at the present. Just the same, we paid a little extra just to hear from some people who keep their eyes and pockets open at the nations capitol. "Mad? Is that woman mad? She's giving him l...
Read full storyCongress Approves Cow Fartknockers For Environment!
In a short speech Friday morning that was watched closely by the nation's farmers, Vice President Joe Biden and some of the members of the House of Representatives announced that there was no use for panic among the cattle ranchers and farmers. "W...
Read full storyObscure Professor Solves Shakespeare Authorship Puzzle
Most scholars agree that Shakespeare can no longer be regarded as the greatest writer in the English language. It's Jodi Picoult. Nevertheless, many people esteem Shakespeare highly enough to believe he was someone else, most notably the 17th Ear...
Read full story"What we did" guide to a week in Whitley Bay
Forget Ibiza, The Algarve, Barbados, off season Whitley Bay can provide all the ingredients for an unforgettable break. Arriving on Sunday we took a taxi from Newcastle Airport which by the way isn't at Newcastle, to The Stuffed Dog hotel, unpacking and enjoying a welcome complimentary pint of "Nukie Brown". Next we decided to carry on drinking in the hotel bar and then staggered out 3 hour...
Read full storyFor Loner, Shower is This Weekend's Most Intimate Moment
When Justin Fleich stepped out of his boxer shorts Sunday morning and stepped into the shower, it was the closest he came to having an intimate experience the entire weekend. "The warm water, my soapy hands all over my body, that was pretty much i...
Read full storyBiggs - Hosun Devil particle found.
Scientists have discovered a horrifying "Biggs - Hosun" particle nicknamed the Devil Particle among the collision debris at the Large Hadron collider underneath Geneva. A scientist excitedly told our reporter, "I was looking inside the collision c...
Read full storyAuntie Jean advises Eric Shun - on holiday in Wales
Eric Shun asks Auntie Jean::Auntie Jean, I have accidentally come on holiday to Wales by getting on the wrong train. Is there anything I can do to stop clinical depression setting in? Auntie Jean answers:Eric, 1) Be optimistic, try to think that something will turn up. 2) Add up all the little joyful things that happen to you during the day. For example, there was no traffic on the road, you...
Read full storyDuck Dynasty Star Phil Robertson Says He's Thinking About Moving To Russia
WEST MONROE, Louisiana - The star of A&E's hit cable show Duck Dynasty said he had no idea his anti-gay remarks would stir up such a sh*t storm. Phil Robertson, the Robertson family patriarch remarked to American Spotlight Magazine "Hey lemmy...
Read full storyA Scottish Drone Lands Outside of Dover, Delaware
DOVER, Delaware - Law enforcement officials in Dover have confirmed that a drone that crashed on Bradford Frissyfrock's Farm did in fact originate from outside the United States. Officer Ty Bolero, 43, with the Dover Police Department stated that...
Read full storyPopeye's To Open Up A Restaurant In Afghanistan But Under A Different Name
SANDY SPRINGS, Georgia - The Popeye's Chicken Corporation has just informed the public that it has worked out a deal with the government of Afghanistan. According to Popeye's Spokesperson Geneva "Chicky" Queensberry a Popeye's Restaurant will be b...
Read full storyThe Duck Dynasty Clan Is Angrier Than A Toothless Gator
WEST MONROE, Louisiana - The Robertson family, stars of Duck Dynasty, is fit to be tied and they have expressed to the news media that they do not take kindly to one of their own being treated as if he is some kind of Taliban terrorist. The family...
Read full storyKanye West Reveals A Secret To Barbara Walters
NEW YORK CITY - Kanye West appeared on The View with Barbara Walters and Walters let him know right away that she would not be putting up with any of his arrogant musings. West told her that she was not going to dictate to him what he could and co...
Read full storyThe Duck Dynasty Duckburger Diner To Open Soon
BATON ROUGE, Louisiana - A spokesperson for the Robertson family has just announced that plans have been finalized and Duck Dynasty Inc. will soon be opening up its first Duck Dynasty Duckburger Diner. The premier restaurant is being built in Loui...
Read full storyDuck Dynasty's Phil Robertson Asked To Appear On Next Season's Dancing With The Stars
HOLLYWOOD - Dancing With The Stars co-host Tom Bergeron has confirmed that Phil Robertson star of Duck Dynasty has in fact been asked by the DWTS producers to appear on next season's edition of the hit dance show. Bergeron noted that Robertson wou...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan Wants To Be The Number One Cougar In Tinsel Town
HOLLYWOOD - Lindsay Lohan says that she has actually traded two vices, drugs and alcohol for a third vice young men. Lohan who has been doing pretty good since spending 3 months in a rehab clinic during the summer has been seen on both coasts cavo...
Read full storyPresident Vladimir Putin Tells Duck Dynasty Star Phil Robertson He Is Welcome To Move To Russia
MOSCOW - Ever since Phil Robertson was suspended from Duck Dynasty for his anti-homosexual remarks he has received support from such individuals as Sarah "Snowflake" Palin, Glenn "Teardrops" Beck, John "Crybaby" Boehner, and Alec "The Bratty Brat" Ba...
Read full storyThe New Orleans Saints Are Dedicating The Rest of Their NFL Season To Duck Dynasty's Phil Robertson
NEW ORLEANS - After hearing about Phil Robertson of the top rated cable show Duck Dynasty getting suspended, New Orleans Saints quarterback Luke McCown (#7) a graduate of Louisiana Tech felt that there was something that he had to do. He talked it...
Read full storyThe Women of Duck Dynasty To Appear In A Nude Calendar
CHICAGO - Mrs. Phil Robertson AKA Miss Kay has just announced that Willie's wife Korie and Jase's wife Missy have agreed to appear in a 2014 calendar to be named The Women of Duck Dynasty. Kay said that Jeptha's wife Jessica, who is a model, will…
Read full storyWe had you there! 10 spoof foods no one would really eat
Spoof foods made up for a laugh by Nations. 1) Paella (soggy rice with shell on prawns and squid tentacles). We thought you would easily have spotted that one - Spain. 2) Black pudding (congealed blood with lumps of fat)- U.K 3) Rollmop herrings (skin on rolled up dolphin food? no?)- Norway. 4) Salted porridge (self explanatory)- Scotland. 5) Sauerkraut (cabbage based pig slop)- Germany. 6...
Read full storyBritney Spears and Justin Bieber tell the truth
New York- At a news conference Britney Spears and Justin Bieber spoke to reporters to explain their interest in Astronomy. After listening to a discussion given by Steven Hawking about particle theory and life in the universe both Spears and Bie...
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