Mitt Romney Drops Out of Presidential Race
Republican Mitt Romney has abdicated his candidacy for President. "I just can't keep up the lies," he told reporters at a hastily-gathered cadre of news reporters at his palatial Hamptons estate. "I have absolutely no idea what I'd do as Presid...
Read full storyRevealing news shocks World - Kate Middleton has a lovely bunch of coconuts
Aargo Margolias, Editor in Chief of the Daily Blade in Chickawanga, North Dakota revealed in an editorial today that he was not aware that Kate Middleton had breasts. "That is one of the responsibilities of a dedicated journalist to enlighten and...
Read full storyMajor US corporation to purchase Manhattan
In an extraordinary move it appears that a major US corporation may be about to purchase Manhattan. The unusual move was initially laughed off but has been given credence by the Mayor's office not being prepared to deny the move. The list of p...
Read full story"The" Three Stooges Recruit "The" New England Patriots
Are the Three Stooges barking up the right tree? Shouldn't they find their eye-poking equals among the Boston Red Sox? We half expected to hear that John Lackey and Josh Beckett were planning to appear in a Farrelly Brothers remake of the Stooges.
Read full storyMichele Bachmann to Obama: Grow some balls...and a moustache!
ROSEVILLE MN (ABSNN) - Republican congresswoman Michele Bachmann challenged President Obama's "Genius" foreign policy and said the President should "grow some balls and kick some A-rab ass," Saturday during a speech in this suburb of St. Paul, MN.
Read full storyObama sends SEAL Team One for Romney's head!
SEAL TEAM I BASE, CORONADO CA (ABSNN) - President Barack Obama has ordered US Navy SEAL Team I to "get Romney, no matter the cost in innocent lives." LT Josh Ning, PAO at the SEAL Base in Coronado, California, told reporters Saturday afternoon t...
Read full storyEva Longoria Admits Dating NY Jets Quarterback Mark Sanchez
NEW YORK CITY - In what has to be one of the worst kept secrets of recent times, Hollywood starlet Eva Longoria, 37, has finally admitted that yes, she is dating Mark Sanchez, the 25-year-old quarterback for the New York Jets of the NFL. Longoria...
Read full storySandra Bullock Reveals Secrets About Ex-Husband Jesse James
AUSTN - Sandra Bullock has shown that she weathered the breakup of her marriage to "Messy" Jesse James with flying colors. Bullock did admit recently to Fajita San Guacamole with The Hollywood Innuendo that when she first learned that James had ch...
Read full storyDrag Queen's Dick reveals more than he's letting on
A drag Queen is suing prison chiefs in the US for $13million after he was sent to a woman's prison by mistake. The female impersonator said the other women made his life hell once they discovered he was a man. They refused to paint his nails for him...
Read full storyMiddle Eastern Blues
As more riots break out all over the Middle East where some of the poorest people in the world reside Back and to the Left news asks a very simple question. Where the fuck do they get the money to buy all the guns from? People who can't afford sho...
Read full storyPalace mole tipped-off paps in topless Kate pics brouhaha
London - A secret 'Mr 20%' is raking in the moolah as more flesh-flash Kate shots are published this weekend. His SMS texts - as seen by QM-NewsCorpse reporters - tipped off long lens paps in the Luberon last week. And now the sender has been I...
Read full storyViolence erupts at Embassy protest in South Kensington
There were violent clashes last night outside the French Embassy in South Kensington as protests against the publication of topless photos of Kate, Duchess of Cambridge descended into violence. Groups of middle age women started to arrive outside...
Read full storyCrazy science reveals more abortions leads to less homos
There seems to be a direct link with the rate of abortions and the rate of homosexuality as explained by the ever controversial Dr. Kerksy. "Everything in this universe is a chemical reaction. We humans are just chemical reactions and we add to o...
Read full storyGordon Brown 'fesses up to fascist tendancies during time as Prime Minister
In seriously shocking news, ex British Prime Minister Gordon Brown has revealed, during an internet chat room conversation, that he entered politics with one intention only: to set up a quasi-fascist state with him as all powerful ruler. He even admi...
Read full storyRomney pledges to give Detroit, Philadephia, Camden and Wilmington to Canada
AMERICAN FORK UT (ABSNN) - Mitt Romney announced Saturday his plan to rid the US of 500,000 Muslims with the stroke of his Presidential pen. He plans to give to Canada the four US cities with the highest population of Muslims: Detroit (300,000), an...
Read full storyTaylor Swift: "Even my tits are bigger than Kate Middleton's!"
NASHVILLE TN (ABSNN) - Country music songbird Taylor Swift, a young woman not exactly known for having large breasts, poo-poohed "all the fuss about some fuzzy photographs of Kate Middleton sun bathing topless on a French beach." "I mean, really n...
Read full storyObama Surrenders To Al-Qaeda: Agrees To Create New Islamic Caliphate In White House
BILLINGSGATE POST - It is rumored in Washington that President Obama is running scared. Stepping back from his earlier assertion that he ordered the assassination of Osama bin Laden, he told George Stephanopoulis that he would work with Al-Qaeda to...
Read full storyKate's Breasts Could Kick Start Your Day Too
Following the inevitable global exposure of the future Queen of England's pert breasts by the French paparazzi, Buckingham Palace has gone on the offensive and has threatened legal action against any party who publishes the offending photos, or who u...
Read full storyRomney: "So I was off a few hours about who said what when in Cairo"
OUTERFUCKINGSPACE MA (ABSNN) - Republican Presidential nominee Mitt Romney attacked President Obama's Cairo Embassy personnel who stated that the Anti-Muslim media blitz (that movie-that Florida preacher who burned the Koran) was causing hurt feeling...
Read full storyThe World's Most Interesting Man Divulges His Presidential Choice
MILWAUKEE - Jonathan Goldsmith, the man who is known throughout the civilized world as The World's Most Interesting Man, was in Beer City speaking at a convention of The Hops and Malt Workers Union. Goldsmith who has appeared in over 90 television...
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